Woman refuses to remove her body hair for uncle's wedding, 'embarrasses' her mom.
When this woman is upset with her family, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for refusing to get rid of my body hair for my uncle's wedding?'
My uncle's wedding is tomorrow and I just feel really bad right now. I never wanted to go because I hate parties and celebrations and I don't even really know my uncle. He hasn't had much presence in my life, so I didn't care.
My mom insisted that I go and she told me that all women will have their daughters with them except for her, so I agreed to come.
She got me 2 dresses, even though I didn't want them. She told me that I had to do makeup. Makeup is itchy and makes me uncomfortable.
So I begged her not to give me makeup and she said okay. But now she is telling me I must get rid of my body hair. She said I can either get it waxed (a lady is coming to our home to prep all the female family members) or I can just shave it.
Now, I really really really hate the obsession with getting rid of hair. I've done waxing before, and it fucking sucked. I cried halfway through because of the pain (I was 12 at the time) and when the lady was done I had these weird lumps all over my skin. Shaving to me feels uncomfortable.
I don't know why but it's so itchy and my skin feels so prickly from it. I don't think having smooth skin with no hair is worth that uncomfort. I never even really hated my body hair.
I told my mom I didn't want to get rid of my body hair. She said that everyone will judge me and say that I look like a man. I told her that they should mind their own business.
We argued about it and the conversation led to me telling her that I never wanted to go to the wedding in the first place, and that shes asking a lot from me.
She knows I really hate any kind of social gathering and she knows I hate makeup and she knows I hate getting rid of body hair but she keeps on asking me to do these things and gets upset when I don't agree.
She said 'okay, fine' but I just know that it isn't fine. I might be the asshole because my mom wants to keep a good image and she spent so long trying to laser her body hair off and now her daughter is ruining all of it and embarrassing her.
She's right that people will be judgemental. They'll be judgemental of me but also of her for not pushing me to take off my body hair.
My mom has told me stories about the family judging her. Like when she got divorced, she told me that everyone was being judgemental, and some even confronted her.
Divorce is frowned upon in my culture, so everyone got upset. Even though it was her own decision and it didn't affect anybody but herself (not even me or my brother. My life didn't really change that much and it had no negative impact on me, and my brother was too young to even understand what a divorce was).
Perhaps she doesn't want me to be bullied. That could be one reason she so desperately wanted me to shave or wax my hair. But she also said herself that when people judge me she would feel embarrassed.
I feel like I am being selfish and not considering how she feels, but at the same time she wasn't considering how I felt when she asked me to do all those things. I don't know who is the one here that should apologize. Am I the AH?
Let's find out.
leslieknope8 writes:
NTA. “She said that everyone will judge me and say that I look like a man. I told her that they should mind their own business.”
If I was your mother, I’d be proud that you didn’t compromise yourself to please others. Because with that confidence, those people and those things don’t even matter.
ladyrocoto writes:
OP is not NTA but I wonder how old is she? There are battles and battles and if I know my mom will have to deal with malicious relatives, I'd be going ready to avoid drama or to make war. In both cases that would mean not giving the enemy bullets to attack me or my mom... But well... I guess OP is still a teenager. And im sure I'll get lot of downvotes.
calligrapher writes:
NTA, but I don’t think this is a hill to die on. I also hate shaving and waxing, i don’t care what my legs look like, especially since no one sees them because I always wear pants. That being said, when i go to events like weddings and don’t wear tights with my dress, i do clean up my legs.
I tried using nair for the most recent wedding i went to and it actually worked pretty well. It sounds like the issue isn’t that you hate shaving; the issue is your moms family. Going to this wedding sounds like it’s stressful for her, and this is just another thing that’ll worry her.
Or, wear tights if you can- not sure how the weather is but you can always say that you get cold easily. But if tights aren’t an option, I’d shave/nair/whatever just for the one day for your moms sake, and no other reason.
Doing it for the wedding doesn’t mean you always have to, and it also doesn’t mean you have to get rid of hair that people won’t see. End it a few inches above the hem of the dress and you’re good to go.