Wedding guest begs future couples: 'PLEASE JUST HAVE A DRESS CODE,' 'I tried to toe the line.' UPDATED

"Please just have a dress code..."

Weddings nowadays seem to swing in the extremes of being way too strict about a dress code or way to loose. The dress code was not on the invite, just a request that everyone dress to the nines, be decadent, and whimsical. No formal, semi-formal, black-tie, etc.

I tried to toe the line, covered up legs and bust, but got the dress tailored to fit well and hit the ankles. Got some sparkles on the dress but was by no means a glitter bomb. I show up and there are people in blazers, stretchy velvet pants, and mostly garden party attire. I felt like I was in a costume.

I was told my makeup was so "makupy" I am literally wearing black mascara, blush and a nude/purple lip. The person who told me this was wearing a dark purple lip, others in bright red lipstick, mini-dresses, red dresses and chest out.

Yet I felt out of place because I showed up to a wedding dressed for a wedding and dressed like how I was told. The bride was lovely, but I felt so judged by my own family and friends. I couldn't socialize with anyone since I felt so awkward. Like next time just say it is garden party attire and I would have saved so much more time, money and stress.

UPDATE:

I love my family. People besides the bride did complimented my outfit, so not everyone was judgmental, and most people probably didn't even notice me because they were focused on the couple and having fun. I just needed to vent. I'm a socially anxious person already and didn't know most people at the party, so feeling overdressed amplified the awkwardness for me.

But I really did not know so many people were freaking toddlers about dress codes. It's not an infringement on your rights, just a social guideline. If you hate dressing up, then you know maybe a black tie wedding is not for you, but a beach casual is. It's just information that it can't hurt you.

It literally just helps you make an informed decision. To the people who say "everyone knows what to wear to a wedding" no actually. Depending on culture/background, people may have wildly different experiences of what to wear to a wedding. If someone dictates what shade of blues are acceptable, that's overkill, but just letting people know the level of formality is not.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Familiar_Nose9665 said:

Better to be overdressed than underdressed. I bet some thought they should have dressed up more.

brideofskeletor said:

Honestly? Sounds like you looked great and it made others feel dumpy. That's not on you, btw. Being told makeup is too "make-upy" at a wedding, when there is no specific dress code and nothing you can do to change it if you wanted to, is mean girl stuff. Totally agree that not having a dress code wasted your time, tho! But...

Over the summer, I went to a wedding that was "cocktail attire" and stressed so much about upgrading my shoes and getting a new dress that fit (my size has changed). After all that, almost all of the women were wearing black sun dresses with white tennis shoes. Lol. I think sometimes you just can't win.

Disastrous-Box-4304 said:

I mean that's what you're gonna get if you tell people to be "dressed to the 9s" and "decadent and whimsical."

invisible_23 said:

My cousin’s wedding had “semi-formal” on the invite so I wore a nice dress and my husband wore a suit. We got there and everyone else (except my mom and the bride and groom) was wearing jeans.

OldBat001 said:

Once upon a time, wedding clothes were what you'd wear to church, and everyone understood the assignment. It still works today. Just wear something a little less business-y and more fun than business dress, and you'll never be out of place at a wedding.

DBBKF23 said:

I didn't have a dress code, but I told my MIL (after being asked ) not to wear pants because she'd feel underdressed. She ignored me and, 21 years later, still complains about her outfit.