'Wedding guest shares story of the WORST Maid of Honor and Best Man speeches ever heard...'

"Worst Maid of Honor & Best Man Toasts I've ever heard..."

This was back in 2015, but OH BOY has it stuck with me. I was attending the wedding of my best friend's older sister. It was an absolutely gorgeous wedding in the bride's parents' backyard, which her dad had spent the better part of a year landscaping and perfecting for this occasion. I think it's important to note this because despite being in a backyard, it was very much a classy event.

The bride and groom were in their mid-twenties, had been together since their junior year of high school, and had both gone on to become teachers. Truly, two of the best people that I know.

My bff was one of two maids of honor, the other being the bride's best friend since age 5 (P,) and the best man was the groom's best friend since high school (M.) I've known all of these people for a very long time, so I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it wasn't what happened.

P went first, and from the moment the DJ put a mic in her hand, it was a disaster. First and foremost, she was absolutely crap-faced drunk, so she's stumbling all over the dance floor while attempting to give her speech.

The entire speech is essentially just incoherent inside jokes between P and the bride, which it seems that the bride can barely understand because P is slurring her words so badly. Champagne was this girl's drink of choice, so because of the carbonation, after every single sentence she was hiccup-burping and then saying, "Okay?"

She eventually reached the end of her speech, never once mentioned the groom, did not actually toast to the bride or groom, and flitted off inside the bride's parents' house. When she returned 20+ minutes later, she was no longer in her bridesmaids' dress and was wearing a pair of my bff's jeans and a sweatshirt from her childhood bedroom.

She proceeded to spend the night twerking barefoot with one leg hiked up on her husband's shoulder in front of the bride and groom's elderly relatives. M was up after P, and I think everyone was expecting better.

M begins a lovely speech about how he and the groom had met, how they had become best friends in high school, and how when the bride and groom got together, M knew that it was the real deal and that they would be together forever. Cue a hundred "Awwwww"s from the crowd.

BUT, notes M, things could have turned out very differently. Why, you ask? Because M decides to share with everyone, on the happiest day of his best friend's life, that the groom originally had a crush on P, the MAID OF HONOR, and wanted to ask her out back in high school. However, another one of their friends had asked P out first, so the groom ended up asking the bride out instead...

The room is dead. SILENT. Everyone is looking around at each other in shock. M is giggling into the mic and finishes up his speech with something along the lines of, "Well, thank goodness everything happens for a reason! Cheers!" and scampers off the stage.

Luckily, the bride and groom are unnecessarily good sports and did not seem upset by either of their speeches, but holy cow was everyone else appalled. My bff and her dad both gave absolutely wonderful toasts after those two to *kind of* make up for them, but my family and I still talk about those two trainwrecks on a regular basis.

The bride and groom have been very happily married for almost 10 years and have 2 beautiful daughters, so all's well that ends well, but GOOD LORD: if you're giving a wedding toast, please read it to at least ONE other person before you get that mic in your hand lol.

OP's story inspired others to share wedding toast horror stories in the comments:

xenchik said:

At my first wedding, I (21F, the age I was then) had my high school best friend (22M) do a speech. We didn't have any attendants so I just picked who would be nice to have speak - my first-choice friend said no, he'd rather not speak in public, so I asked my bestie.

Welll... he wore a belt buckle that said "Arrr" with a pirate flag, and a tie that was waaaay too short, and cargo pants with doc martens boots, to go with his dreadlocks (which weren't put in by a hairdresser, they were just the result of him not owning a hairbrush).

None of which I really minded, he was my bestie and I knew what he was like. But then he proceeded to give a twenty minute speech, at least ten minutes of which was him ending every sentence with "Ummmm ... So, yeah." Like as an example I just pulled from the video:

"Well, we met in year 11, when she came to [the school]. Um, I'd already been at the school for years, but she was new. And, so, yeah, I showed her around, and we just, you know, became friends. Ummmm so, yeah...She's really nice though. She's good value. So...yeah." Dear lord. It was hilariously awkward. But at least it was hilarious.

toeverycreature said:

I think the worst best man speech I've heard was where the grooms older brother gave a play by play of the night the groom lost his virginity to the bride. He went on about how his brother rang him and sought his sage advice after the event and how happy he was that his baby bro finally got laid. Pretty sure the groom never meant for that conversation to be shared, especially in front of the bride's parents.

[deleted] said:

Oh my God I have so many stories. We went through a phase of every wedding having worst speeches than the last. Highlights:

--Wedding in Scotland. The English best man started with a bunch of anti Scottish jokes that went down like a lead balloon. He then told a story of which the punchline was how he's witnessed the bride getting rear ended by her now husband. He was sitting at the same table as her parents and the Catholic priest who did the service. Then he started to cry.

--Wedding where the bride and groom had a lovely meet cute story. There were seven speeches. Each of the speakers told the story. Each of them told it as if it was new to the audience, including delivering the details like a punch line. They had all heard the others.

--Wedding where the bride's mother spoke for almost an hour, mentioning pretty much everyone in the marquee by name, except her daughter, who she didn't mention at all. the best man then spoke for another 45 minutes. He also did not mention the bride. We had one glass of champagne to get us through the nearly two hours of this. There was only 40mins left for dancing. and so on...

Electric_Moogaloo said:

At the first wedding I went to with my fiancé (one of his friends) the best man told the worst most disgusting stories about the friendship group when they were young (none of these stories really featured the groom) People defecating off overpasses, people getting blind drunk and getting their pubes shaved off etc.

Admittedly everyone was howling but mainly because we couldn’t believe he was saying these things in front of elderly relatives. My fiancé said “I want Gavin to be my best man!” Gavin is banned from being his best man.

garbagemonster2 said:

My worst was at my cousin’s wedding. For context, she met her fiancé when she moved from home and joined a new church: meets a super nice guy as part of a group there and has the leader of this church group officiate this wedding. Wedding takes place at a fancy country club where the groom’s parents are from many states away from where she and groom are living now.

Vows are said, everyone is seated at the tables and Maid-of-Honor gives her speech. She proceeds to mention EVERY SINGLE ONE of the bride’s exes (of which there are many) by NAME and caps it off with a “but finally she found perfect (*groom’s name) and decided to settle down."

…in front of the groom’s family…where they met in a church group…where the officiant is someone the bride and groom see all the time for church activities…It was like watching a train wreck. Everyone was mortified but no one was able to stop the MOH (I was surprised the DJ didn’t cut the mic). Needless to say, my cousin doesn’t talk with this former friend any longer.

lodav22 said:

I went to a wedding in 2002 as a plus one with my then boyfriend. There were two best men and their speech was a double act of them bantering back and forth about the groom, heavily alluding to the fact they thought he was gay until he met and started dating the bride.

It was really awkward and the couple tried to laugh along but the guys really pushed it and the grooms father even said something along the lines of “okay, that’s enough” just to shut them up.

I’m still friends with the date from that wedding and he told me a few years ago that the groom eventually came out as gay to his (now ex) wife and now runs a B&B in Wales with his boyfriend! That was definitely the most awkward speech I’ve heard!