Wedding shaming: 'Mom, I'm SO glad I didn't know about this...'

"Shame on you, mom...I'm SO glad I didn't know about this..."

I heard this story at my mom's funeral. My uncle got married in 1969, when I was four years old. I remember meeting my aunt-to-be, because he took her on a round of visits to meet his family, and they stayed with us. I don't remember their wedding because I fell asleep as she was walking down the aisle.

Anyway, my now-aunt mentioned that she was sorry they hadn't visited my family more, but they didn't think my mom ever really forgave them over the Flower Girl thing. She said she was sorry and hadn't meant to hurt me.

What Flower Girl thing? Evidently mom had been very put out and bitter about my not being asked to be their Flower Girl! She'd griped to all the relatives "after I (mom) was so welcoming to Linda, too" and (supposedly) "Dear Daughter is crushed about it."

How embarrassing! Auntie believed for years that she'd disappointed me, but that was *why* I wasn't asked. They had decided not to have child attendants because he had too many nieces and nephews to pick and choose from without hurting somebody's feelings. This was, of course, the first I'd ever heard of it.

I apologized profusely, explained that I'd fallen asleep and the only thing I remembered was seeing her yellow dress as she came down the aisle, and the extra piece of cake she'd sent home for me with mom. I thanked her for the cake, because mom told me she'd cut the piece with a frosting flower for me because she knew how much I like buttercream.

Mom ought to be glad she was dead when I discovered this! I was only four, didn't even know what a Flower Girl was or did back then, but it's probably why she was so nice about putting them up during their engagement visits.

She was *that Mom*: a showoff Stage Mom nightmare, who shoved us under everybody's noses at any opportunity! We've got awful memories of forced Christmas carol and dance performances at family gatherings, and never being introduced as her daughters, just "these are our little adopted girls!"...

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Echo-Azure said:

This is why you never believe third party claims about who wants to do what. If your grandma says that your neighbor's son is desperate to meet you because he's heard you're such a nice girl, then you can be 100% certain that the neighbor's son has never heard of you.

Tenzipper said:

They should have done what one couple did when I attended their wedding. They had a "bouquet" of flower girls. Any small children were invited to take a basket of flower petals and scatter them down the aisle.

DrDancealina said:

Wait your mom used to introduce you as her “adopted girl????" I’m so sorry what a messed up thing to repeatedly hear.

SnooBooks4898 said:

A cousin of my ex-wife assumed her daughter would be the flower girl. Never asked, bought a dress, showed up expecting when there was no communication to that effect. NONE.

Alone_Ad3257 said:

This sounds similar to what’s going on today for me. I’m getting married this year and we decided no kids for the wedding including no ring bearer and flower girl and as a result we have had a cousin try guilting us into inviting their “devastated” child multiple times including a rehearsed speech in front of family during the holidays.

Longjumping-Photo405 said:

Within a week of announcing that I was engaged, my mother had not only picked my bridesmaids, flower girls, and ring bearer, she'd picked the colors. Because I was still in school, my fiance and I hadn't yet decided when the wedding was going to be.

It took my mother years to get over me eloping, because when I went to visit my fiance on the base the following Memorial day weekend(about a month and a half later, and two weeks before I graduated) we got married while I was there.

Our wedding consisted of the Base Chaplain, his wife, my fiance's cousin who flew out for the weekend and my dad with whom my fiance had planned the entire event. It was right up my alley and quite lovely.