When this woman is furious with her husband, she asks Reddit:
AITA for telling my husband I do not want his father to come on our couple's vacation. My husband (M39) and I (F33). My husband and I are going on vacation next week. He just told me last night that his father is coming to meet us out there and is looking up his hotel. My husband says his father invited himself along. He plans to stay during our entire vacation. We're only there for three full days and for one of them, we have a day event.
My husband has family out there, and we planned to spend a day or 1/2 a day seeing them. That particular family member he hasn't seen in over 10 years. His father he sees more frequently. He visited us last year for a week. I told my husband we could spend one day with his dad, but having all 3 days is not fair and no longer makes this a couples trip.
Plus, when they are together, they're kind of in their own world and I feel uncomfortable. I know if his father comes he'll takeover the trip and it'll turn into a father and son trip, not a couples trip. I'll be the 3rd wheel no matter how much my husband tries to make it seem otherwise.
I know he wants to see his dad. I think he would like to see his dad more if he could but maybe no more than 2-3 times a year. We see my side at least once a week.
At the end of the day, my father-in-law and I are not close. We don't really speak much, and when my husband is not around, we are pretty much quiet around each other. I don't enjoy hanging around him and we don't have much to talk about.
My husband says we'll have 1 day together alone at the event and doesn't understand why I am upset. My compromise is his father can stop by the day we're hanging with his other family out there.We see how inlaws about once a year for about 1 week. This'll be us coming to their side of the world. AITA for being upset that I do not want to spend time with my father-in-law and I do not want him just popping up on our trip without being invited?
NTA, your husband should have asked you first. Romantic holiday with FIL, big nope. 3rd wheel, yes. If itwas planned like this, for an opportunity to bond with him or whatever, sure. Dumping this on you right before vacation start: Not cool.
ESH - Your FIL does kinda suck for 'inviting himself', I agree with that. Your husband does kinda suck for pushing back when you talked. You kinda suck for being pouty about this situation at all. You're going to visit his family, your husband sees his dad once a year for a week at most.
I totally see how this situation developed. If I was to go visit my aunt and uncle on my dads side, shit he'd probably come too. It's obvious he cares about him a lot and they have a good relationship. Do not get in the way of that because you and your FIL aren't best friends. That will end poorly for you.
I suggest you schedule another trip, with no family component, and make sure it is labelled as ROMANTIC, GETAWAY, FOR THE COUPLE right off the jump. It sounds like the water got muddy on what this trip was and now that the understanding is there between the two of you other things have been set in motion. That's my take, good luck OP.
NTA - It's totally understanding that you don't want a third wheel on your couple's trip. I think you offered a compromise by spending time with him on the day that you are visiting other family and that would leave 2 days for the 2 of you. Hopefully you can reason with your husband and he will man up and have the conversation with his father prior to leaving for your trip.