Woman asks next door neighbor to move crying baby to different room. Mom loses it.
When this woman is frustrated with her neighbor, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for asking my neighbour to keep her baby quiet or move rooms?'
So I 28f live in a terrace house, which is pretty typical here in the UK. Next door was initially empty when I moved in due to some work that was going on but about 6 weeks ago a couple moved in with their baby. I say hi in passing to them and exchanged a few pleasantries with them but for the most part it’s a polite neighbour relationship, we aren’t friends.
I live alone and am a quiet neighbour, however next door aren’t. I hear everything! I don’t know what the owners did when they were renovating but there is no sound insulation at all, I don’t hear conversations at a normal level but that’s it. It’s terrace housing and I accept you will hear some things but it’s crazy how much I can hear. I don’t hear anything from my neighbour on the other side of me aside from the front door when I’m in my front room.
Onto the issue. The baby, because it’s a baby cries a lot, but it’s nearly constantly crying and sometimes scream crying nearly all day. And I mean all day! I put up with this most of the time and wear headphones a-lot, aside from that I work 2 days a week from home (which they know as I have taken in packages for them) and my job requires me to be on the phone nearly all the time, in zoom meetings etc.
I work in the back bedroom upstairs as it’s the only room I don’t get any road noise in, which by the sounds of it is also the baby’s room on the other side of the wall. It cries so loudly I can hear it like it’s in the room with me, and clients and colleagues can hear it crying though my headphones and I’m getting lots of comments from people about it. It’s also very distracting for me to try and work with.
Yesterday after work I knocked on the door to explain what was happening and asked if it was at all possible that if the baby can’t be calmed down to move them to a different room for a bit, because of the noise etc. I was very polite about it and apologetic. Well the mother exploded at me, swore at me, called me entitled and selfish and that I had no idea what it was like to be a mother and how hard it was, and she said she left the baby upstairs so she could go down and have a break from it’s crying. Then slammed the door in my face.
I feel really conflicted on this, because I know babies cry, I know they are difficult to settle and I imagine with all they crying they are really tired. But I make little to no noise as their neighbour and it’s affecting my concentration work, and people are commenting on it and not in a good way! Was I TA for asking?
Let's find out.
riellefox writes:
NAH. But: there are babys that cry all. the. time. Always. Had one myself... The first half year was true horror... He alsways screamed, whatever we did... I guess that's the case here. The mother is totally down with all her nerves.
Then someone comes lver and complains about something she already did everything about and can't change a little bit. She is highly frustrated and probably hadn't have a decent sleep in weeks. So please, don't get annoyed. She tries her best. Find solutions for yourself. She is already at her limit.
simulet writes:
No, absolutely not. The mother exploding at OP was NOT ok. OP is not this persons punching bag, OP politely asked for them to do something about excessive noise disrupting OPs homelife and worklife. Parents don’t get to explode, slam doors in people’s faces and be rude about it just because they feel it maybe a “judgement of her parenting and a threat” when they are told the excessive noise coming from their space/kid is disrupting the neighbours - they need to grow up and get over themselves.
Their neighbours didn’t choose to have a kid, they had no say in it so they shouldn’t be expected to deal with the negatives that come along with that choice or abuse from the parents when they polity ask them to do something about it.
If I decide I want to learn drums or the bagpipes should my neighbours just suck it up when I’m practicing all day and night? Do I get to yell at them and be an asshole when they politely ask me to keep it down because I may think thats a judgment they are making on my musical skills?
This “you have no idea what it’s like to be a mother and how hard it is” is likely not true, incredibly condescending, and not OPs problem to deal with. And this mom doesn’t get to make everyone around her suffer and lash out at them because she didn’t realize that baby’s cry and are difficult.
Making excuses for people who are lashing out at others because they are having a bad day, or because they didn’t realize a kid was a lot of work is why we have so many entitled, selfish (the irony of the mom saying that was rich since she was describing herself) rude assholes.
signalprotection9 writes:
NTA. It’s possible to be sympathetic to the situation and still ask the parents if there is anything they can do to keep the crying baby away from the part of the house where you are working. And that’s what you did. I understand that the parents are frustrated but that isn’t a reason to be an AH to a neighbor who is asking to try to work something out.
Yes, babies cry, but adults are supposed to try to minimize the harm they cause to strangers who have not decided to have a baby and just want to live their lives in peace. Personally, I would not be willing to take any packages for them now on your work from home days.