Woman asks if she was wrong to force her friends to 'starve to death' on roadtrip.
When this woman is annoyed with her roadtrip dynamic, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for purposefully not planning a meal during a roadtrip, leading my friends to 'starve to death'?'
I (F) recently went on a long haul trip with two other friends ('Jessica' and 'Stanley'). In our normal day to day hangouts, I've always been the 'planner' (i.e picking the place, making reservations, splitting bills, etc.). I usually don't mind because my friends are better in other areas of friendship so I never felt like it was unequal.
Jessica and Stanley invited me on a long haul road tip (about 20 hours of driving) to see Stanley's family, and I thought it would be fun. Before agreeing though, I did tell them very straightforwardly that I did not want to plan the trip. I'm okay with planning where to get cocktails on a Saturday night, but I didn't want to be responsible for two other adults on a 20 hour road trip.
On day 1, they immediately asked me what was for lunch. I told them I had no idea, because we didn't plan anything. They seemed shocked, but didn't say anything and we ended up stopping at a random rest stop by chance so it worked out. During lunch though, they asked where we were going for dinner. Once again, I said I had no idea. Jessica laughed and said, 'No really, where are we eating?'
I once again reaffirmed that I had no idea. We started driving, and I feel like they purposefully planned my leg during dinner time. But I decided to be stubborn and I just kept driving and driving until Stanley complained about being hungry. I said cool, he could look up somewhere to eat, and that's when we all started arguing.
They said that it wasn't fair for me to 'spring' the responsibility of planning meals on them when the trip started. I told them that I was pretty straightforward before we even left, and that they were sitting in the car for 5 hours doing nothing so why couldn't they look stuff up on their phone?
Now they say that I was being an AH for not saying anything and just driving through dinnertime, causing them to 'starve to death' so I could prove a point. I told them that we still ended up getting fast food, so they were being a bit dramatic. The fights pretty bad though, to the point where I'm about to rent a separate car to drive home, so I wanted to check if I was an AH before I make it worse. AITA?
Let's find out.
goatsprizzle writes:
NTA. OP communicated clearly they would go on the trip but would not be the “planner” this time and didn’t want to be expected to find food/drinks for everyone. As soon as it was time to eat, OP’s friend’s acted as if that was a joke. OP held firm and is not being treated badly. They are not in the wrong. Drop these friends, OP. I’ve never had a stressful road trip like this in my life. Even if we all got pre-packed donuts and stale coffee at the worst gas station, everyone was still happy.
agitatedlawyer writes:
YTA. What are you all doing on this road trip? I don't understand how someone starts complaining they're hungry then immediately devolve into a fight. Are you guys not talking on this road trip? Who's on the nav? I'm so confused with the way this all unfolded. It takes literally 4 seconds to Google 'food near me' Anyway ESH. YTA for being passive aggressive. The other two friends are AH for getting mad about being asked to Google something. You all sound like children.
wandering1018 writes:
NTA. They're being ridiculous and dramatic. There's gas stations and food at least every couple of exits on most major highways. 'Starve to death'? More like be mildly inconvenienced by their own failures to plan. You were petty, but it sounds like you were pretty clear up front you weren't up for planning, and they tried to make you do it anyway. Did they invite you just for you to plan things for them?