Woman tells bro he can't stay committed to his late wife forever. AITA? He says yes.
When this woman is concerned for her brother, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for telling my brother he can't stay committed to his late wife forever and he needs to move on?'
My brother is 36, was widowered at 22. He married at 19. His late wife is the only woman he was ever with. They had two children together a girl and a boy. Both kids were tiny when their mother died.
14 years later my brother has never dated, has spoken about wanting nobody else, how nobody could ever compare to his wife and generally rejects any chance to see if a spark could happen with another woman.
At first I figured he was focused on his kids and would find a way forward to find love again in time. But four years after his wife died it became clear he was not interested and was outright adamant he would not move on. I heard that he had turned down several women. And has continued to do so over the years. Even offers to spend time as friends and see if more happens.
It feels like he's dedicated to remaining a widower for the rest of his life. I worry so much about him and so do his friends and the rest of our family. I have asked him before why he doesn't try to find some companionship and he says he doesn't want it. That he's a married man and that has not changed for him. He told me he swore as long as he lived and that's a promise he wants to keep.
His kids are now older and have grown used to it being just them. They see it as so romantic and nice that their dad loves only their mom and never wanted someone else. It worries me and recently I brought up the subject that he deserved to find someone to love again. He told me no, that I need to stay out of his business, that we all do. I told him we worry about his loneliness when the kids move out and start their own lives.
He said he doesn't worry about that because he has more to his life than just work and raising his kids. He also said he was committed to his wife and that's his choice. I told him he can't stay committed like that to his late wife forever and he needs to move on with his life. He told me it's not my decision and kicked me out. AITA?
Let's find out.
roadgoddess writes:
YTA- he’s doing what he he thinks he needs to do. And honestly just go on and look for posts from people who had parents that brought in a new stepparent and how many ways that can go wrong for the children. So he’s doing what he needs to do to make sure his kids are taken care of.
cemeterydweller98 writes:
I think that that thinking of dating as moving on is part of the issue. Dating and entering a new relationship doesn’t erase the deceased partner. (Plenty of posts about questioning if someone is AH about pictures or mementos of a deceased partner that prove that.)
Lack of dating doesn’t mean that a person hasn’t “moved on”. My mom has technically been a widow for a decade. My parents separated years before and just didn’t get around to divorcing, so technically a widow. My mom has zero interest in dating. It really has more to do with hearing the stories of navigating dating from her widow friends.
awayrefuse88 writes:
I think your brother has PTSD or some other type of grief-related fear of losing again, and not a simple 'won't move on.' You obviously aren't concerned about how this may have affected his mental health. Why does he need to date anyways (if it really were just that)?YTA.