Woman won't go to bro's wedding after SIL's betrayal. Bro says, 'it's been two years.'
When this woman who suffered a loss cannot face her evil SIL, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for not wanting to go to my brother's wedding, even though the 'bad blood' was 2 years ago?'
This is a mess and I'm shaking right now. I am a cardiologist, and have been for the past 22 years. I was also a single mother to my 16 year old daughter who passed away 2 months before her 17th birthday in 2020.
She had cancer when she was 14 and was in remission on her 16 th birthday. One day, she just collapsed. it happened in front of me, I was the one who gave her CPR. It was the worst feeling of my life, and I still have nightmares about it. We took her to the hospital but she was gone.
She was dealing with a lot of side effects from her treatment and was very weak, but she was determined to get better. But her body just gave out. on my daughter's birthday in 2021, I was a mess. My brother, future SIL and mum had been keeping me company because I couldn't function at all.
We were just talking about some happy memories and my brother expressed sadness that his niece won't be at his wedding. My future SIL then chimed up and said yeah well that's sad, and if [my name] had been better at her job, she would've been alive. She justified it by saying that she was close to my daughter and made her a bridesmaid, she was devastated too by her death.
To this day, i cannot describe what I felt when I heard those words from her mouth. I don't remember much after that but I just starting sobbing. My mom and my brother were glaring at my SIL and they left. As if my guilt already wasnt enough.
They're getting married and my brother came over to invite me personally. I told him I am not coming, I don't want to see her face at all. My brother said that I should let bygones be bygones, and my grief is not the only one that matters. I pretty much limited contact after that incident but I'm not ready to face her. it serves as a reminder of my own failure and I still deal with a lot of guilt. But he's my only sibling, and we used to be very close. He's helped me a lot through all this. AITA?
Let's find out.
mealecstatic writes:
Oh my heart just broke for you. You are not at fault. You did everything you could for daughter. It’s an awful twist of fate that you were there with her for her first and last breaths. While no consolation is at all possible, or could ever reduce your grief and trauma, please consider that when she went you daughter had her Mum right there with her and fighting for her with all her heart.
I imagine if you’d not been there with her, your daughter may have been scared and lonely. Instead she was loved and fought for, and in the most capable hands. The only AH in this story is your brother for marrying this woman. She’s something much worse than a AH. NTA at all. Big love for you Mumma.
no2021 writes:
NTA. First, OP I’m so so sorry for your loss. The amount of trauma you’ve gone through is unthinkable and all your feelings about the situation are completely valid. I do hope you have sought/are seeking therapy to help process this grief, guilt and immense loss. It is not your fault and you shouldn’t go through this alone.
On to the situation: labeling what your SIL said as a “bygone” is incredibly diminutive. What she said twisted the knife even deeper into your already devastating wound. You were traumatized by this situation on so many levels and she decides it’s a good idea to blame you for your own daughter’s death?!
And you’re supposed to just…move on from that?? NO. What she said was one of the most horrible things you could possibly say to someone. I wouldn’t say it to my worst enemy. Her own grief is not an excuse to be cruel and evil to you.
I’m sorry that on top of losing your daughter, you’ve had to deal with such shitty behavior from the people who should’ve been your support system. I’m sorry it’s affected your relationship with your brother. However, how he is even still with her after a comment like that is beyond me. It is not your responsibility to make amends with her. It’s hers to grovel for forgiveness at your feet.