'AITA for asking my coworker if she deliberately wears clothes to show her body off?'
"AITA for asking my coworker if she deliberately wears clothes that show her body off?"
We (the company) had a new employee 'Christina' working in our section and she's a nice lady in her late 30s. I'm F. She's married with kids. We had several conversations before. We work close by and one time she was sitting and moved to the side and her already showing cleavage got clearer.
The office got awkward and the guys there looked down. it was obviously something minor but it kept happening. I had a couple of our male coworkers complain to me about Christina's cleavage (I'm more of a tomboy woman so the men feel comfortable enough around me) they were saying that having to be forced to encounter a similar situation to the one I mention makes them uncomfortable.
I couldn't help but notice that all the clothes, tops specifically that Christina wears are designed to show cleavage. I brought it up to her the next day and casually pointed out how her cleavage was showing. She said nothing, just nodded at me. I went ahead and asked if she deliberately wears clothes that show her cleavage. She looked offended and asked if there was a problem.
I flat out said that it felt weird to me if this was the case and that it was kind of weird also that a married woman is okay with her cleavage showing at a professional workplace with male co workers around. She got upset and asked how it was any of my business what she chooses to wear.
Respectfully, I told her she could wear whatever she want but some employees just don't feel comfortable having been exposed to this kind of stuff at work.
She told me that it was none of my business and that those who have an issue with her clothes should stop being cowards hiding behind me and come talk to her face to face. We had an argument and some of my female coworkers agreed with me though said that I could've phrased this better.
Christina started avoiding half of us which seemed unprofessional because part of our job is to interact but she chooses to stay away. I tried talking to her and another argument started with her saying she'd take this to the administrators if 'I keep it up' but I was really just trying to talk things out. AITA for what I said to her?
Here's what people had to say:
faranteater writes:
YTA, yes. Unless & until you have an actual dress code in place specifying that Christina cannot wear tops like those, get off her case. It doesn't make a difference what you personally would wear, or what you personally think is appropriate. Your male colleagues' inabilities to keep their mind on their work is their problem, not hers. Stop blaming her for their objectification of her.
siruiusxm writes:
YTA. Is OP her manager, supervisor, HR? Any of the above may have reason to raise a dress code issue(again providing there is one as comment mentions above) but no one else. Peers have no review over their colleagues.
OP also mentioned it as a sexualization issue, that's risky to bring up. Does she show off her cleavage on purpose? Telling her she makes other uncomfortable and that she represents the voice of many others. Anyone can claim that and still be speaking only for themselves. It should have gone to manager or HR. Let someone who's paid to do it, do it in a tactful non confrontational way
hahafelldown8 writes:
It's giving tragic 'im one of the guys' energy. OP stating they're a tomboy and male coworkers feel comfortable around them is little red flag for 'pick me' mentality. yea YTA no matter how you slice it. OP is just as unprofessional as they're making Christina out to be.
ctortan says:
Busts and butts! At my school, bigger girls would constantly get in trouble for their skirts and shorts—but the thinner girls could have bottoms the same length or shorter and wouldn’t get in trouble at all.