When this woman ditches her own wedding because her mother and sister ruin it, she asks Reddit:
The more I think about it, the more I feel bad about it and the more I feel like an AH. My whole life my mother has compared me to my older sister. She would always put her on a pedestal and praise her. I could literally never win with my mother, nothing was ever good enough. I was constantly criticized for everything. When I got engaged things changed.
My mother was excited and wanted to be involved. My partner and I wanted to elope but my parents said they'll pay for a small wedding as they paid for my sister's. I finally had the attention I craved from my mother. Even if she was judging me for every single thing. My sister would make snarky comments. I knew she wasn't used to not being the centre of attention when it came to our mother.
On my mehndi night, while I was getting my mehndi done my sister said she had an announcement. She announced that after years of infertility she was pregnant. Everyone was super happy and started congratulating her. It was like my mother forgot about me.
The rest of the evening she neglected me and my sister loved all the attention she was receiving. I get that it’s exciting, she is finally pregnant after how long with the first grandchild, but this was calculated, she purposely did this at my event.
Once everyone had left I contacted my partner to tell him what happened and how upset I was. He understood why I was upset and suggested we go with our original plan, and get Islamically eloped. I knew my sister would pull something else at the wedding and my mother hadn't messaged me once. I was tempted but was worried about my parents spending so much money and things being non-refundable so I called my dad.
My dad understood how I felt and said to go for it. Luckily we had a day break in between my mehndi and the Nikah. My dad contacted the Imam and the next day my partner and I went with my dad, my uncle, my partner's brother and uncle to the Mosque. We did our Nikah then went out to eat. It was honestly perfect except my mother started calling me so I blocked her. My partner and I booked a flight to Sydney and left. Once we got there that is when I unblocked my mother and told everyone on Insta.
My and my husband's phones have been blowing up with calls and messages from everyone calling me immature and a brat for doing what I did and disrespecting my mother. My mother's messages are all about me embarrassing her and everyone gossiping.
And all the money she spent and booked on stuff for me. I feel like an arsehole because I wasted that money, even though my dad said it was okay and they can still celebrate just without us. I feel bad for my husband, everyone is talking about how he married an immature brat. I can't fully enjoy this spontaneous trip even though my partner and my dad have told me I should block everyone and enjoy my holiday. Maybe I overreacted? AITA?
NTA, I know it’s hard but don’t let the guilt in. Your mom and sister has shown you who they are and how they will treat/abuse you. Why would you want to have wedding for them, when they are just going to ruin it.
You have a right to be happy and free from their petty bullshit. Your dad sounds like a stand up guy, and he said it was ok, just remind yourself of that, and of the happiness you felt when you got married. Chances are that they would have ruined the wedding had you not eloped.
Your mom has some nerve on her talking about embarrassing her. How sad for her, but no thought to the emotional trauma she’s continued to cause you through your whole life. But she was embarrassed! Oh no. Don’t feel sorry for her. This is the result of her own actions.
Your dad deserves for you to appreciate him and he deserves for you to enjoy your honeymoon. Do not worry, you stole a march on your sister, with your dad’s blessing, and that is a good thing! Just relax and have fun. Your mom and your sister are the AH’s. You are NTA.
NTA. Your husband agreed and Dad supported… based off your comment I can assume you’re maybe Indian/Pakistani or close…having Dads approval is HUGE. That’s all you need. And immature brat? Use the same exact terms to describe your sister and how it was immature of her to announce it then. She could’ve wait 3 more days.