Woman won't let husband have his 'weird rabbit moment' at her niece's birthday party.
When this wife is weirded out by her husband's grief, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for ruining my husband's special moment?'
My husband's bunny Gary died in 2016, two years before we met. He had Gary for six years and he was very close to him. Gary died after being sick for months and my husband says that he saw his last breath. After Gary's death, my husband used to listen to Sia's song 'Breathe me', and every time he listens to that song, he's reminded of Gary.
Yesterday was my niece's 9th birthday, and my whole family gathered to celebrate for her. We were at my sister's backyard, and inside her house the TV was open on some music channel, but you could barely hear anything outside with all the talking. When my sister's husband came with the birthday cake and everyone were singing and taking pictures, I saw that my husband had his eyes closed and was on the brink of tears.
I was quite confused at first, but then I heard 'Breathe me' playing in the background. I nudged him and told him that it's not the time for it and that everyone's taking pictures. He simply looked at me, slightly disappointed, and then faked being happy for my niece.
On our way home, he brought that up and said that I ruined his moment, and that he wasn't going to show up in any of the pictures or videos anyway because we sat on the other side of the table. I told him that I think he should get over his bunny already. I mean, it's been 7 years, and it's just a bunny, not a cat or a dog. But what he told me next made me feel like I was a bit too insensitive with him. He said that he wasn't mourning Gary's death, he simply got emotional from listening to that song again after a long time and recalling some of his old memories.
I'm still not sure if it was the right time to get emotional when everyone were celebrating, but I understand that he had a special moment there. Was I supposed to leave him alone and let him have his moment? AITA?
Let's find out.
flowerchild writes:
Yes! I was like, 'OK, I'm with you so far, n t a'. Then she said that and I was like aw hell now, Def yta now. While it might seem inappropriate to still feel grief over a lost loved one (including pets), grief can still strike at any moment even if you think you're over it. It sounds like, based on his comment of it being awhile, that suddenly and unexpectedly hearing that song triggered his grief, but in a nostalgic way rather than a painful way (which isn't unhealthy imo).
He can't help that. And if you caught him right as it hit him, you didn't really give him much time to shrug it off. But then diminishing the pet he loved as being lesser because it's not a cat or dog is just callous as well as ignorant.
You can't decide how attached someone is to a pet regardless of what kind of animal it is or how long their lifespan. But just so OP know, rabbits are on par a companion animal as cats or dogs. They can live about as long (10+ years), they're social creatures so enjoy our interactions as much as cats or dogs, they are interactive and playful and very intelligent.
Even my cat thought she was a rabbit when she was little because she had so much in common with my rabbit at the time. You could've just said, 'hey, are you OK? Are you able to please keep it together for a child's birthday party?' To 1) show some compassion and concern and 2) politely remind him of where he is and 3) insinuate possibly stepping away if he can't keep it together. That way you're not shaming him for...having feelings.
jazzlike87 writes:
NTA. It's a child's birthday. A nine year old's birthday. You don't mess up a child's birthday over your pet rabbit that died when they were two. Now was not the time to 'have a moment.' At the very least, he should have excused himself, stepped out of the room and earshot of the song, and pulled himself together. Sitting at a child's birthday party table and crying is not an appropriate thing for an adult. It's making the event about you - people will notice such behavior, and it will confuse people and distract from the celebration.