When this daughter is upset with her mom, she asks Reddit:
I (21F) don't live with my mother, but I go to visit every now and then. One day, I went to visit on a day where she goes to yoga. She said I could come with her if I wanted, and I figured why not? She had talked about how she really loved her yoga class in the past, and so I thought it might make her happy if I went with her.
However, I have rheumatoid arthritis. My mom said in the car on the way there that the class was a very non-judgmental space, and that it was a mild class but that I could sit out, take a break, or modify poses if things got too hard on my body.
When we got there, my mom started telling the instructor that I have arthritis and may have to sit out of a few things and she looked at me like I was insane. I just said not to mind me, that I didn't want special attention or anything, but that I might just have to not do certain things. During a certain pose, I noticed a sharp pain in my knee and so I stopped and started to rub the area.
The instructor said, not to me, but to my mother, 'OP's mom, does she take medication for that?' First of all, it is so disgusting to be talked about as if I'm not right there. Second of all, she felt the need to make a big deal out of this in front of the rest of the class whom I had never met before. It was so inappropriate.
My mother opened her mouth to respond, but I cut her off before she could begin and said that yes, I am medicated and receiving treatment, but that any questions regarding my disability should be directed at me and not her.
The instuctor continued this behavior, talking about me as if I weren't there, as if I were some sort of small child or pet or something, which is SO dehumanizing and sadly something I'm very used to thanks to growing up disabled.
My mother and the rest of the class looked pretty uncomfortable as well. Eventually I got fed up, said that since she kept talking about me as if I weren't there then I might as well just not be. I said it was inappropriate to publicize information I shared in private, that it was disrespectful to talk as if I weren't there.
After the session was over, the instructor actually told my mother not to come back because I had ruined the session. My mother was really upset because she had finally found something she enjoyed doing every week and now I've taken that away from her.
I keep countering my negative thoughts, like that it's not my fault. I didn't ruin the atmosphere; the instructor did. And that I didn't take away my mother's safe space because with an instructor like that it wasn't really a safe space because my mother shouldn't tolerate someone who treats her kid that way.
My mother being unfairly punished was a way to deflect the blame and make her mad at me instead of at the instructor. But something inside of me keeps eating away at me and I just feel awful. I know inside that I'm not the asshole here, but it'd feel better to get more feedback. So AITA? And... give me some advice, Reddit. How can I fix this?
That is definitely not a non-judgmental space and your mother needs to find another yoga class. You did nothing wrong. The teacher is a jerk and she ruined the session herself. I'm betting a few more people in that class will drop out after that display. Tell your mother that there are yoga classes everywhere and she can surely find a class with someone who is more accepting and genuinely safe. NTA.
NTA. I do yoga several times a week and have been going to the same studio for the last 3 years. I can’t imagine any of the instructors ever treating a student like that. And if one did, I would be in the owner’s ear as soon as class was over.
Every time there is someone new in class, especially a hot class, the instructors talk about doing only as much as you feel comfortable, feel free to take breaks or even step out of the room.
I’m glad that your mom has gotten into yoga because I think it’s amazing (it had changed my life, and I’m not just being dramatic). But your mom either needs to complain about that instructor to the owner or find a different studio. There’s no place in yoga for attitudes like that.
NTA. She is for her disablist behaviour and foul attitude. I hope your mum realises what a lucky escape she had, I'd be fuming if someone degraded another person like that let alone my own child!