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Woman refuses to accommodate roommate's BF's allergies; is told you'll 'kill him.' UPDATED

Woman refuses to accommodate roommate's BF's allergies; is told you'll 'kill him.' UPDATED


'AITA for telling my roommate that I don’t give a f*** about her boyfriends allergies?'

I (24F) have been living with my roommate Layla (25F) for about 10 months. We have a 2 year lease so I really want to fix this so we’re not miserable for the next year and to start I need to see if I’m in the wrong. Layla started dating Kyle about 6 months ago. Kyle has severe food allergies to shellfish, nuts and soy, as well as a lot of more mild/moderate allergies.

I use nuts and soy a lot in my cooking and some occasional shrimp. At first, Layla would tell me that Kyle was coming over and I would just adjust whatever I was planning on making if it was something that would be aerosolized (mostly nuts) and this was fine.

He’s never had any reactions at our apartment from my food. But it’s slowly escalated and now they want me to not keep any ingredient in the apartment that could cause him anaphylaxis, even if I’m not actively eating or cooking it while he’s over.

I’ve refused and they’ve both pushed back a lot on it and I snapped a little and told them I don’t give a f*** about his allergies. I can accommodate him to an extent but I don’t care if the contents of my cabinet make him uncomfortable. He doesn’t need to be near my things at all.

They’re being very dramatic and insisting I’m gonna “kill him” with my selfishness by having closed jars of nuts in the kitchen I pay to use. But I’m not going to have my diet restricted by someone who doesn’t even live here.

Layla isn’t speaking to me at all right now and I feel a little bad now because I do understand how serious allergies are but I also think they’re overextending boundaries by telling me what I can or can’t eat when he’s not even here. AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Champi_Feuille writes:

Doesn't he have a home too? Your roommate can go to his place and they can both stop boss you around in yours.

ExpertPotato7447 OP responded:

He lives with his parents. They hang out there sometimes but want more privacy so they like to be here more

vegetableradio writes:

NTA. Technically, but you really could kill him if his allergies are severe enough. If she is serious about this guy then they need to move out to their own allergy free place.

Update from OP 2 months later:

I sat down with Layla a few days after my initial post and really talked with her about why I felt her and Kyle's request was unacceptable and I laid out my biggest concerns -

- I eat mostly plants so nuts & soy are like 50% of my protein. So my grocery bill would increase because I’d have to make it up in animal products. Who’s going to pay for that? I’m not vegetarian but I don’t really want to eat like that and I definitely don’t want to pay for it so would they make up that increase?

- I honestly didn’t trust them to stop there. i already did what I felt was a reasonable accommodation and it wasn’t enough so how long til they take coconut, eggs and tomatoes from me too?

- It was weird af to ask me in the first place and I felt really disrespected because this is my home and I don’t take second place to a guest. I can to her, personally, of course but that doesn’t extend to the apartment.

I said I would agree to continue not using his serious allergens when he was present or soon to be and that was the line. It didn’t go over well at all and Layla told me I was overreacting and I could just do it and kept talking over me when I tried to say that I wouldn’t. Eventually she slipped up with the “well what if he moved in” and I said absolutely not and ended the conversation with her for the night.

We argued in circles about it for nearly 2 weeks and once it was out, she didn’t drop it. I realized it wasn’t going to get better so I did what I didn’t want to do and told her that I was going to the landlord about breaking my part of the lease and she freaked out.

Idk where Kyle’s money goes but apparently he doesn’t have any because she was yelling about not being able to afford it on her own and he couldn’t help even if he moved in. I told her that this had gone way too far and I didn’t think I could be happy living here with her anymore; if it were easier for her to leave instead, that would be fine too.

She was really upset and I said I wouldn’t force her out or leave her suddenly on the lease alone but it was one or the other. Eventually she accepted it and decided she would move back in with her dad. That was the end of April and she’s fully moved out as of this week.

My childhood best friend Allie has been flip flopping on moving to my city for forever now and me calling and saying I had an cheap open bedroom if she came right away got her to finally pull the trigger on it. And it helped Layla out because she didn’t have to pay to break the lease since I agreed to cover the full rent at my own risk.

Allie has stuff to tie up in our home state still but she’s already sent me half of July’s rent. I just gotta squeeze for a lil while but I’ll make it. I’m super excited to see her and show her around!

Plus we’ve been cooking together since fourth grade so that’ll be a nice change lol. and I can get a cat! It’s been a bit of a rough couple of months but I’m very happy with how things are looking right now so I just wanted to share with you guys.

Here's what people had to say after the update:

Current-Read wrote:

So she was expecting YOU to pay for him to live there as well if he moved in? Like damn all kinds of entitlement from those two!

The_Pip wrote:

NTA. They wanted the bf to move in and not pay his fair share of the rent?!?!? AND you had to change your diet? WTF? I am glad you have a new and better roommate headed your way.

stiiii writes:

Yeah that was a really weird selling point. What if he moved in and paid nothing, that would make it better right?

Thorngrove wrote:

'what if he moved in?'

'What if I slathered myself in peanut butter and hugged him like a python?'

giraffecause writes:

Valid questions.

Allergies are serious, but so is entitlement. LOL...

Sources: Reddit,Reddit
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