Woman 'ruins' sister's wedding with surprise performance. Family is disgusted. AITA?
When this woman is genuinely shocked that her sister is mad at her, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for surprising my sister at her wedding?'
I am very confused and don't know what to believe so I need Reddit's help. So I (24F) have been playing the piano since I was 5 and it is now my job, I also play the flute in the orchestra of my city. Piano has always been my passion and I don't know how to express my self in other ways if not playing.
My family hasn't been supportive of this passion of mine, mind that I paid for my lessons starting from 16 years old because my parents didn't want me to attend piano lessons anymore. I then found I job that helped me pursue my dream and I eventually became a professional pianist and flutist on the side.
My sister on the other hand (28F) studies law and she receives more attention then I do for obvious reasons. When I lived with my parents, they would blame the fact that sister didn't graduate law yet school on me, simply because I was distracting her with constantly playing my instruments. As soon as they told me this I stopped playing in my own house and found somewhere else to stay for several hours and I would play there. Shortly after I moved out.
Now, her marriage was a week ago and unfortunately I don't have a lot of money. I am struggling with my rent and expenses, so I couldn't get her anything for her marriage which made me feel super uncomfortable. I told my parents and they said this: 'Next time you'll think twice about your career'.
I decided to rehearse a very beautiful piece by Chopin that I knew my sister loved because she always used to fall asleep when I played it (Nocturne No.6 in G Minor), plus she would always talk to me about her crush (now husband) while I was playing that very piece.
I thought It was meaningful and she would have loved it as a gift. During her wedding I told her I had a surprise for her, something that meant so much for the both of us and I started playing. The reaction of everybody made me think it was amazing and I went and hugged her.
Little did I know that she hated it. The next day I receive a message from her saying that she wants to cut me off, that not only I didn't buy her the necklace she has been hinting on but that I dared playing at her wedding without first consulting her. In that moment I felt like sh*t because I didn't think that it would have been disrespectful.
My parents told me that if I don't stop my career as a musician they don't want anything to do with me because 'my personality revolves around my talent'. This broke my heart but I can't stop thinking I might be the AH. AITA?
Let's find out.
electronictoe writes:
OP is NTA. I don't know where OP is from and I don't know where you are from - but playing a 4-5 minute piece that has sentimental value between the performer and the bride/groom would be considered an appropriate and touching surprise.
It's pretty typical to have some time during the reception where people close to the wedding party offer toasts, well-wishes, read a poem, sing a song, etc to celebrate the couple. A 4-5 minute piano pieces doesn't seem excessive to me. It's not like she fired the band/DJ and took over. Also, the bride is just jealous and that's her problem. Grow up and get over yourself.
crazybobeep writes:
YTA. You played at the wedding without asking first. Yeah, your parents’ attitude towards your playing and your career sucks, but the situation you’re asking about is the wedding. You should have checked with the bride and groom beforehand.
southernhamster writes:
YTA - I understand not having enough money to buy a gift. But many Brides want their Wedding day to be about them. They want to be the center of attention because it is “Her Special Day”. The number one thing to remember when attending a Wedding is to NOT do anything that will take the attention off of the Bride & Groom.
And she may not have liked that you took the attention off of her. You really should have discussed it with her first to make sure she was ok with you drawing attention to yourself like that. And I know you weren’t even thinking of that at all. You were thinking of all the special times you had together when you played that piece & how she talked about her boyfriend/fiancé/husband.
Many Brides WANT someone to play a beautiful instrument at their Wedding HOWEVER only after they’ve approved of it first. Weddings take A LOT of planning and are very expensive. Nobody likes a ✨SURPRISE✨ thrown into it. So you owe your sister a very heartfelt apology for hijacking her Wedding.
However, maybe there are future Brides in your area that would love to have you play the piano at their future Weddings. So maybe you’ll get more money for your bills this way.
bettersavings writes:
ESH. You're parents suck, no doubt. However, if what they say is true, you also suck monumentally. According to the story, you playing kept your sister up and/or distracted her from her studies, and it apparently made her have to prolong school, so why would you think she'd have positive memories of any of the songs you played??
Clearly she didn't have any positive memories because she is cutting you off. You shouldn't play at a wedding without consent, without doubt because it isn't your day, and doing so is almost you trying to hijack the event to a degree, and it's ok to not feel 'grateful' to an impromptu, unplanned performance on a day she had already planned ahead of time.