'Wealthy' sister humiliates baby sis when she refuses to pay for her wedding expenses.
When this woman is annoyed with her sister, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for not putting my sister’s wedding expenses on my credit card and humiliating her?'
I(27F) was the only person in my family to go to college and get out of poverty. My family is from a small town and we struggled a lot growing up. I got out but it’s hard because I make a good salary now and my family expects me to share it. I still have student loans and bills to pay but they seem to think I’m rolling in money.
I also bought an apartment in 2019 and when my parents found out they called me selfish and wanted me to pay for their expenses. I have loaned money to my parents (about $800) and they “forgot” they borrowed money and claims I forgot that I gave it as a gift and said they didn’t need to repay.
My sister and I use to have a good relationship but once I left for college and did better our relationship got more strained. She got married and I came back a few days before the wedding to help her set everything up. We went to the grocery store and she bought $1700 worth of groceries as we were cooking it for the wedding.
Her card was denied and she tried a few but they were all denied. We stepped aside and she called the credit card company to find out she nearly maxed out her cards. She started to panic and checked her accounts and found out she has $200 left in checking.
I told her to check savings and she snapped back she didn’t have any and our mom checked her card and still had $600 so she said she would cover $600 and volunteered me for the other $1100. I told them I didn’t have the money, I did but I don’t think my sister would have the money to pay me back. My sister demanded to see proof that I had maxed out my credit cards and I didn’t have any money in my checking and I told her I don’t have to give her proof I just don’t have the money.
She started crying and yelling at me that I was looking down on her for being broke and she knew I have the money I’m just being stingy. My mom started on me too telling me that people are staring and people are going to gossip about this and I was humiliating my sister for making it seem like she couldn’t even afford her own wedding.
I had enough and walked out and told them I’d had it with them expecting me to pay for everything. I walked back to my parents house and my sister sent me a text saying I was no longer welcomed to the wedding. I drove home without another word and I’m wondering if I should have just put the groceries on my card to keep the peace. AITA?
Let's find out.
independentrace8 writes:
NTA, OP. I’ve discovered that people who never really had money don’t understand that you can’t just spend Willy-nilly when you’re in a better financial situation. You still have to pay for housing, food, bills, insurance, savings, etc: you may do well now, but you need a safety net should anything happen and you can’t work. You don’t owe your family anything- there is always a way out of a bad financial situation if you’re willing to research and do the work.
clearancehigh8 writes:
Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon and one of the reasons that often someone with the means to make it out of poverty doesn’t actually get themselves out. One of the women I grew up with who got herself a degree and makes significantly more than me is still living paycheck to paycheck in our hometown because she’s expected to keep her extended family afloat indefinitely.
The only difference between us is I didn’t care about losing my family/community and finally cut even my immediate family off when I realized they were not using my help to better themselves and it would never end. But it’s a lot easier to say that than to do it.
crass3015 writes:
NTA. Your family seems to have a crab mentality. When a crab is placed in a bucket it can easily climb out and escape but when you add a couple crabs to a bucket, each time a crab tries to escape, the other crabs pull it back down so the entire group suffers. You’ve managed to escape poverty and yet your family is trying to drag you back down with them.
You worked hard for your money and your money does not equal their money. They only care about themselves and their image, they do not have your best interests at heart. Keep those solid boundaries and don’t let them bully you back into poverty.