When this woman is spooked by her bio mom, she asks Reddit:
Today, I finally spoke my mind to my biological mother. For a long time now she has been trying to get back into my life, and I have always just not been ready. I am a foster kid and have been raised by one family after going through the 'inverse russian roulette' that is the child care system for my country.
As I was growing up, my Mother grew increasingly obsessed with me. At points, she would message me on facebook with names of some of my friends and asking how they are... despite me never mentioning them to her. Not great. She would constantly fall out of contact, then come back like nothing happened which caused a lot of mistrust on top of that.
Because I had changed my number, she was also tried getting it from me by intimidation, threatening to show up at the University I go to, saying that if I just gave her it she wouldn't have to go there to see me. At this point, I just didn't want to see her until I was ready, and ambushing me isn't the way to go. Despite all that, she still tries to be there for important milestones, even If she has always failed to do so. Usually sending a message on Facebook congratulating the occasion.
For my 21st birthday, she messaged me and after some conversation, I finally asked the reason why I was put into care to begin with. It isn't the greatest backstory and the knowledge was upsetting. It took me some time to process this, and by the time I did, she had blocked me on facebook after demanding that I call her number.
Given her history with stalking me with the most minute amounts of information, that wasn't going to happen. After waiting a few days to call her on facebook, I gave up and went about my life.
However, during that time, she had went to her Facebook and posted the backstory, taking out the parts that make her look bad as well. She had posted this on my Birthday, and by the time I discovered it, some months had passed. Obviously, this had really upset me, and when she unblocked me and messaged me again today to ask for forgiveness for unrelated actions, I snapped. Below is some of the message I had sent her.
'for my birthday you gave me 200 dollars and an ultimatum, and when you didn't get the answer you wanted you blocked me on facebook. That is fine, I can respect that. What I don't respect is this: (a photo of her telling all her friends on her facebook page what happened to me). I am not even going to try and explain how fucked up that is and how badly you betrayed my trust.'
In my mothers defense, she is Bi-Polar with depression, but that doesn't excuse what she did to me in my opinion. She also has tried to justify her actions by saying 'I never needed therapy' in past conversations, which adds salt to the wound a bit. AITA for lashing out at my biological mother because she posted my childhood trauma to her facebook page?
NTA. You’ve gone low-contact for a reason. Bio-mom needs to accept the boundary. Bipolar disorder isn’t an excuse to post something like that. Big if her bipolar is that severe, it may explain why you were put into foster care to begin with.
Honestly, no NTA. She sounds toxic. She wants to reconnect, but entirely on her own terms and to her own tune. She'll be all sweet and kind, but the moment you aren't completely forth coming she cusses you out, blocks you, and then plays victim to her friends. You can't trust that kind of person to provide you the space to emotionally find peace with their presence in your life.
Literally the only thing your mother has going for her in this situation is that she's your bio mom, which means almost nothing in the grand scheme. If she has bipolar and depression, but refuses therapy or support, and dismisses your trauma, than she should be regarded as little different from a drug addict who steals from family.
That might seem harsh, but I do say that as someone who is on the spectrum and who has loved ones with bipolar disorder.
Ok so, what has she done? Stalking; Participate in you gaining said childhood trauma ;given ultimatums; been in and out with communication ;blocked her child ;posted childhood trauma on social media. NTA, and it may be time to distance yourself from her before something worse happens.