When this woman is conflicted about her sister's wedding, she asks Reddit:
My sister [32f] and I [35f] have had a tumultuous relationship. It all began almost 8 years ago when I started dating my now-husband (Raymond). My sister has hated Raymond since day one. Her disdain for him has been expressed in many ways over the years—namely spreading wild lies about him in efforts to turn my parents and others against him, and blatantly ignoring his existence at family gatherings.
(Trying to keep this brief, but here are two examples: 1) Paints me as a battered woman, 2) Told her internet following and friends that Raymond and I gave our parents Covid...when they’ve never had Covid.)
I have my own speculations of where her hatred for Raymond stems from (a jealousy of what Raymond has provided for me— encouragement, stability, mentorship, etc). But when I’ve asked my sister why she feels the way she does, the only reason she’s ever given is, “He gives me bad vibes.”
Her behavior over the years has severely damaged my relationship with her. Her behavior has caused problems between Raymond and I as well as within my family. It has been A LOT to deal with. She refuses to speak with me one-on-one, and she refuses to take responsibility for anything she’s done. It’s so hard to mend a relationship when the other person doesn’t seem to want the same.
Meanwhile, we’ve managed to get along in a cordial manner, but I still have a lot of sadness and unanswered questions over our relationship’s ruin. Now, my sister is getting married in 4 months to a great guy. I was asked to be her Maid of Honor, and I said yes— I have a lot of bottled up pain from my sister’s past actions, but I have accepted that she will never apologize. My only option for peace is to forgive anyway and move forward.
As I was starting to get excited about the wedding planning, she let it slip that Raymond is not allowed at the wedding because she thinks he will bring drama. [???] I question it, and she decides he can come, but only because there will be “more drama” from me if he’s not invited.
So, I dropped out of the wedding. She is pissed and so are my parents. I have been dealing with almost 8 years of disrespect towards my husband, my relationship with him, and our sisterhood. When is enough, enough?
I know she wanted me as her Maid of Honor, and I wanted to be so as well. But our unresolved issues are so great, I can’t keep bottling it up inside nor can I keep allowing the disrespect. My parents tell me to “get over it” because she’s my sister. AITA?
NTA. It is now the time to choose between your husband or your family of origin. It's been made clear that trying to please both groups isn't going to work. I'm surprised you have put up with her abuse this long. Blood doesn't give people the right to behave as she has.
Time to go no contact or limited contact with your family. Find a counselor to help you learn WHY you have put up with this abuse as long as you have. Hugs and Good Luck.
Being maid of honor could have been a path towards peace. It did seem like a good idea, at first.Once she let slip about your husband not being invited, things went downhill quickly. Dropping out of the wedding was your best way to get out of the drama. You're NTA for trying and you're NTA for giving up and dropping out. Your parents are enabling AHs, though. Why have they ignored your sister's lies and told you to get over it?
NTA. She sounds awful to be around. I’m sorry she can’t respect you and your relationship. You’ve taken it for long enough. Putting your foot down now is the best decision you’d made for yourself here. Until she takes responsibility and apologises wholeheartedly (it’s unlikely, but one can hope!) then it’s best to avoid her in future.