Woman wants to tell all the family drama to dad's new wife. AITA? Dad says she is.
When this woman is annoyed with her dad and his new wife, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for telling my father’s wife how I really feel?'
When I, 19f, was 3 years old, my father cheated on my mother with one of his old high school girlfriends. My mom found out and pulled out divorce papers. My father payed child support but he was never around growing up.
I asked my mom as a little girl who my father was but she didn’t like talking about it but she told me the story when I was 14. My response to her was that I would never reach out to my father and I was perfectly happy having her as my only parent.
Now I’m 19. I still don’t have the desire to have any relationship with my father. However, my father’s brother reached out to me on Instagram after finding my account. He didn’t say much. Just that he knew how much of a piece of crap his brother is and that he wishes me luck in life. I ended up chatting back and forth with him until we finally met in person.
I won’t talk about the meeting but he convinced me that perhaps it’s a good idea to meet my younger half siblings. This would mean meeting my father and his wife. But I decided to do it anyway.
My uncle arranges for me to spend spring break over with my father and his family. I arrive at their house. I’m greeted at the door by one of my half-brothers who takes me inside and guides me to the dining room where my father and his wife are seated. My father stands up.
Opening his arms preparing for a hug. I offer a handshake instead. I sit down and I have a conversation with both of them. Before having a serious conversation, they want to wait till the evening when the kids are supposed to go to their friend’s house so we could be alone. I agree.
Evening rolls around. Father drops the kids off at their friends house. He comes back and I have dinner with his wife. Lots of things were discussed. They didn’t try to white wash or deny the fact that my dad cheated on my mom with his wife.
They admitted it openly. I expected the opposite to happen but I was proven wrong. Then I talk about myself. Then they about themselves and their kids. Dinner ends. I go up to the guest room they prepped for me. Minutes later my father’s wife comes up and knocks on the door. I tell her to come in.
She asks me what I think of everything. Her, their house, her kids. I say that everything is cool. To which she responds with “be honest.” I said “ok. I’m very hurt at the fact my father treated my mother the way he did because of you. The fact he gave you everything but barely anything to me or her.
I can’t really have a negative opinion of her kids. She leaves the room. Later my father comes up. Asks angrily I told his wife. Apparently I made her cry I said “what she wanted to hear. My honest thoughts.” Somehow I’m the bad person for it.
Forgive any possible spelling mistakes. English isn’t my first language. I also left out some details because otherwise I would be typing for hours. It wasn’t as simple as my uncle convincing me. Anyway AITA?
Let's find out.
elroythebellboy writes:
NTA. You seem confident and mature enough to cope with all of this, hopefully it gets better and if not at least you know you tried. Good for you.
wintersweetpea writes:
NTA, OP. I'm sorry you were placed in a situation where you are being blamed for hurting the adults who, in fact, deeply hurt you. I'm appalled that your father is angry at you for expressing your upset.
I don't know how they think any reunification can happen without having to hear some hard truths. You are not obligated to spend your entire spring break with them, OP.
Your dad seems to want to gloss over your feelings without deeply apologizing for the hurt he caused you and your mom; your stepmom, to her credit, actually put herself out there and is doing some of the emotional processing regarding their decision to abandon you and your mom, and if she's crying for how she treated you, that's okay. It is healthy for us to experience shame when we have done things to be ashamed of.
It's not to be avoided, because that only causes more shame and guilt, and these things may have been building up inside of her these past years as she became a mother herself; her perspective of what she and your father did has likely become more upsetting to her.
signalhistorian writes:
NTA - But why did you stay with them if you only wanted to get to know your siblings? Did you told them that that’s the only reason and you learned to be good with just one parent and don’t need him to come around after 16 years and to pretend he’s your dad. Sperm donor, yes. But not your dad.