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Woman triggers friend with severe ED, friend says, 'don't eat like that near me.'

Woman triggers friend with severe ED, friend says, 'don't eat like that near me.'


When this girl feels humiliated by her friend, she asks Reddit:

'AITA for triggering a girl recovering from an ED with my weird eating habits?'

So I’m just gonna start off by saying I do eat weird. I don’t have an Eating Disorder, I eat a fine amount of food just in a specific way as I have a bad phobia of choking due to a traumatic event...

I’m comfortable eating normal food as long as I eat slowly, don’t talk too much and I cut it up smaller. It doesn’t overly disturb my life but I do feel uncomfortable eating out with other people.

So it was my friends birthday, I drove up to her university to have a meal with her, our other friend from home (sab) and 2 of her uni friends, I hadn’t met before, lizzy and f. We went to a British bistro, I ordered a roast dinner.

All was fine until half way through (lizzy) asked if I always ate like this, referring to the points above. I explained and she just went ‘I’m beginning to feel like I can’t be here, I’m recovering from ‘Eating Disorder’ (calling it that for privacy for her) and I’m getting upset with watching you eat’

I felt really bad and told her that I could finish now and take the rest back to my friends as I didn’t mind doing that, I was getting quite full anyway. She replied with ‘I’m meaning eat f**king faster’ I almost welled up because I felt so humiliated.

I stopped eating and felt a rise of anger and said ‘just because you’re in recovery doesn’t mean to can be a c**t to whoever you choose.’ Strong word but that’s what I said. Lizzy left with the other uni friend f, leaving my birthday friend in tears.

I felt like such a bad friend for over reacting like an asshole, I just feel really sensitive about my eating habits. Birthday friend said that lizzy does get really defensive but she’s only been out of her unit for 2 months so it’s still fresh to her.

Sab (friend from home) said I was within my rights as what I said was harsh but true, and she’s the one that started it.

But I can’t shake the feeling of being a massive asshole for not only triggering someone but being a dick about it too. AITA?

Let's find out.

lolak1945 writes:

Yeah, NTA. That other girl became incredibly nasty and behaved toward you in a way that was not acceptable. Sure you were harsh back but I think it was appropriate.

I have a mental health disorder and I don’t use it as an excuse for how I behave or how I react to others, and although sometimes I do get snippy in uncomfortable situations where I have trouble coping, I always apologize and don’t expect others to alter how they live their lives because of how I am feeling.

fuzzydisorder writes:

ESH. People on this sub tend to forget that we are evaluating whether OP acted sensibly and respectfully, not whether it was reasonable that OP was provoked and had a strong or impulsive reaction to a situation.

You're going to encounter a lot of assholes in life, you have to know how to communicate. Your response to the shitty situation made you an asshole. Here would be how to not be an asshole,

'The way you are speaking to me is unacceptable and disrespectful. I understand that you faced something difficult in regards to food, but I have my own needs as well. Your own difficulties are not an excuse to speak cruelly to other people.'

Bam, done. I have said things like this before, albeit on different topics, if people have said something mean to me. A simple pointing out that 'hey, that's actually a mean thing to say to another person and I'm not willing to engage unless we speak civilly' is a good way to handle things.

Calling someone a c*nt? Yelling? No, those responses make you an asshole too. This sub frequently gets this confused.

People here empathize with an injustice done to OP, so cheer on whatever OP's response is, because it feels cathartic, because we want to see the wronged hero one-up the villain of the story.

But in reality, raising one's voice, using slurs, and any other number of things is simply immature and is a counterproductive form of conversation that just continues the path of assholery rather than halts it.

postitfrustrations writes:

NTA. I have been in recovery for almost a decade and while some things can trigger those thoughts, it is up to me to deal with them.

Sometimes dealing with them does require asking people around me to make an accommodation, asking someone to speed up their eating shouldn't be one of them. Especially if it disrupts their own digestion.

I also have to eat very slowly and very specific foods so I understand that some people can see it as weird behaviour, but it shouldn't have enough of an impact that she couldn't have just accepted your offer if it had upset her.

If you had started eating in slow motion you would be a jerk, but you were respectful when she asked and she freaked out on you.

I would apologize to the friend, but not to the girl. You didn't cause that scene, in my opinion. She did.

It doesn't matter if it was her first day out of inpatient, freaking out on someone for eating slowly and cutting up their food is ridiculous.

My sister used to cut all the fat off her steaks and put it on my plate and even then I didn't flip on her. Especially if you didn't even know.

Seems like the jury's out on this one. Is OP TA, or is this an ESH situation? What do YOU think?

Sources: Reddit
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