When this woman is annoyed with her boyfriend's reaction to her anxiety, she asks Reddit:
My partner and I have been together for going on seven years. We have an overall great relationship, and are finally expecting our first child after years of trying. I love this man, and his blunt take no BS attitude is part of what makes us so compatible, because I am the same way.
However, with this attitude also includes the risk of both of us being a little callous sometimes. That's where the issue is. In the beginning of my pregnancy when I was looking for an OBGYN, the first Doctor I ended up at was.... Not good.
I was 22 weeks pregnant (it took longer than expected to get on health insurance), and this guy very aggressively insisted on a transvaginal probe ultrasound.
Based on the research I had done, that shouldn't have been a suggestion unless there was a specific reason to believe that I had a low cervix, and as I had not been checked out at all prior to that, there was no reason to believe I had that issue.
I have a history that gives me serious panic anxiety around strange men I don't know poking around down there. I recognize during birth it's not really an option, but I was not comfortable with an aggressive old man insisting on sticking a giant probe up my crotch with no medical explanation.
I told the doctor a just wanted an external ultrasound and he got angry and told me he wouldn't give me an external unless I submitted to an internal. First, and when I refused, he refused to treat me at all.
I had a panic attack and went back out to the car and tried to explain why I was so freaked out and uncomfortable to my partner. He pretty much told me I was being ridiculous, and that if I wanted to be pregnant I needed to accept that some doctor visits would be uncomfortable and that I needed to do it anyway. I dug in my heels and refused and looked for a new doctor.
I found a great practice where all the procedures are explained calmly and clearly and where they respect my boundaries, and the doctor there confirmed that they absolutely do not recommend transvaginal that far along and that it can actually be a risk at that stage. She reassured me that I was in the right for standing my ground and refusing an unnecessary treatment that I wasn't comfortable with.
When I relayed that information to my partner, he felt bad for pushing me to do it and giving me the tough love speech instead of being supportive, but also stood by the fact that he didn't know and that it's reasonable for him to assume if a doctor says it's necessary then it probably is.
I finally told him today that I'd rather do the birth alone because of what happened at the first appointment, he says his feelings are really hurt but it's my decision. I feel like such a jerk for wanting to keep him out but birth is freaking hard, and I can't handle being in there and having someone talking down to me instead of supporting me, and idk if I can count on him to be that support. So reddit, AITA?
NAH. I get why you don't want him there. I get why he'd be disappointed to miss out on the birth of his child. Perhaps look into birthing classes that you two can take together, and if he does, let him be there?
NTA The problem is that he betrayed your trust in a very vulnerable time and place and no amount of apologies and education will make you forget.
If he's in there with you it will be a constant worry about what he's going to do next, if he's outside then it's a worry about how he reacts to being kept away. People who are proud to take no BS and be blunt and say what they think, have to accept that other people don't always like those traits.
NTA The problem is that he betrayed your trust in a very vulnerable time and place and no amount of apologies and education will make you forget. If he's in there with you it will be a constant worry about what he's going to do next, if he's outside then it's a worry about how he reacts to being kept away.
People who are proud to take no BS and be blunt and say what they think, have to accept that other people don't always like those traits.