'My husband asked for an open marriage but is now mad at me for seeing someone.' UPDATED 2X

"Husband wanted an open marriage and is now mad at me for seeing someone"

Here's the original post:

We (F22 & M25) have been married for 2 years and together for almost 6. Yet beginning of last year he told me he has “room in his heart for more than 1 woman" and is a man for "more than 1 partner”.

He wanted an open marriage. It was so hard for me to agree to it but the minute I did, he started seeing this beautiful attractive girl. I can’t even explain how painful it was to know that I’m not enough for him, that he’s spending time with someone else.

And he did. From spending nights with her to texting her when we were supposed to be spending time together. I’d literally cry myself to sleep every night while he was with her or home sleeping after hanging out with her. I even met someone but I just couldn’t open up to that guy because of how much I love my husband.

I finally gave in a few months ago. I started letting the new guy take me on dates, to his place, etc. He’s been so good to me and that’s all I needed after feeling like I’m not enough for my husband. I feel attractive and worthy again.

Last month, new guy took me out of town for my birthday weekend (a “happy birthday” text is all I got from my husband). Since that, it’s like my husband suddenly realized that we’re married. He wants to spend time together, gets jealous when I’m not home. Now he’s saying he wants a baby, which I’m not against but would like to wait until our relationship is more stable.

Well he disagrees. He thinks that I’m “prioritizing my boyfriend over our relationship and family and that’s not what an open marriage is about”. He’s now wanting to stop everything and go back to being monogamous. I’m not ready for that. He got to decide when this started. Why does he get to decide when it ends? Why did he wait until I started being happy again? Sorry for the long post/rant but any advice?

Commenters weighed in with advice and suggestions.

booknerd420 said:

Sounds like he said he wanted an open relationship because he already had the girl in mind and he just wanted permission to cheat on you. He thought you would just sit around and pine for him. Like other posters have already said, what are you getting out of this marriage anymore?

Self-inflicted- said:

Drop the dead weight. Find a man that appreciates you.

[deleted] said:

I know this sub has a bad reputation for jumping right to “break up”, but to be blunt I’m not sure what else to say here. To be honest I probably would have ended it as soon as the open relationship thing came up in the first place. Your husband has been totally selfish, and I kinda get the impression this has (justifiably) changed the way you see him. I don’t know if this is salvageable.

qazk said:

I think your marriage is dead, I don’t see how it could recover from this. Your husband’s selfishness has caused you to cry yourself to sleep. I don’t know why you would want to go back to that. You are young and could start again with someone who you are enough for, you have already found a new boyfriend.

Please don’t have a child with your husband, I suspect he would use it to trap you and keep you at home while he found his next girlfriend.

mzpljc said:

Sounds like his side chick dumped him. He was the one who started this, and was the one prioritizing her over you. Divorce him. What a pig.

The jury didn't have to do much deliberation before this verdict: Dump him.

Since her original post, she shared a series of updates.

First update:

Welp, I was going to wait until this weekend to have a talk with my husband about getting a divorce. I wanted to think things through before ending this 6 year relationship. I still took my distances, stopped having sex and hanging out with him. I’ve barely talked to him since my last post and even refused his gifts.

So guess what he did yesterday? Went to new guy’s office and tried to get into a fight with him, yelling and screaming about how new guy sleeps with married women and should be ashamed of himself. Making it seem like new guy was helping me cheat on my husband (which is not the case because open marriage right?)

New guy is now pissed. He said he wants to be with me but doesn’t want to have to deal with a crazy husband/soon to be ex. He wants to take a break until I get things figured out with my husband. How am I supposed to do that though? Still planning on getting a divorce but I can’t control my husband? Could this be his way of dumping me? So much drama and so much to think about! Any advice?

Second update:

We got the divorce process started. Right before that though, my (ex) husband was able to meet with my dad (who’s always liked him) and told him how I cheated on him and then insisted on having an open marriage when I got caught. So now I can’t even go to my family’s house because my dad is mad at me and won’t hear me out.

Pretty sure he told some of our common friends the same thing because they won’t answer my texts. I was able to move into an apartment and now I’m just waiting for things to calm down with my family and for the divorce to be finalized. Oh and I could lose my job soon because someone left some serious bad reviews on the website and now I’m being investigated.

So I’ve been home this whole week, I have no one to talk to (unless I decide to finally answer my husband’s texts). Even new guy hasn’t been talking to me. So yeah, that’s how my life’s going. :) Any advice on how to deal with the loneliness? And thank you so much for your support through this whole thing. You guys rock.

No, you rock!