Mom asks if it was wrong to celebrate son's first word in front of mute stepkid.
Celebrating your child's first word seems like a harmless joy.
One woman wonders if she was wrong to be so excited. Her stepdaughter is nonverbal and she announced the news in front of her. Her husband's ex-wife found out and had some very harsh words of her own to share.
'AITA because I got excited about my son's first word?'
My son is one years old, and very recently he said his first word. I was super excited and called my husband and step kids down to tell them the good news. My husband was super excited, although the step kids mostly just politely acknowledged the event.
My youngest stepdaughter is six and nonverbal, and she was also present when I told everyone about my son's first word.
My husband's ex called him and told him off for 'letting' me be 'such a b*tch' to my youngest stepdaughter. She said it was really cruel to talk about my baby talking when she isn't able to yet, and that the baby probably didn't even say the word, just accidentally stumbled on the sound.
She wants him to tell me to apologize to my stepdaughter. I don't think that makes sense, because telling my stepdaughter sorry would just single her out for not speaking yet, which I think would be hurtful. I don't think my excitement about my son was offensive to her or anyone except for her mother.
Maybe I'm not thinking about it correctly. From my perspective, you wouldn't hide your accomplishments from someone who can't do them. That's not a nice thing to do. My husband's ex seems to think we were rubbing this in her face, but that's not what happened. Am I missing something?
Here was the advice that readers had to give:
May I ask, is nonverbal meaning they’re quiet and mostly don’t try to speak, or does it also pertain to them trying to speak and others not being able to interpret what they’re saying?
The OP clarified:
She doesn't usually try to vocalize. She points and does charades, but she doesn't try to talk. She seems to have very little interest in it. Her uncle started teaching her sign language, and she has learned a few signs, so we think that might end up being her way forward.
She does understand when we talk to her though. Like, if I ask her what she wants to drink, she will bring me a juice cup (all the drinks have different kinds of cups) to let me know she wants juice. So she understands.
INFO: Does the six year old have developmental delays/autism etc or is she choosing not to speak? NTA either way, the ex is projecting onto you because she is likely stressed about your step daughter being non verbal and that is not your problem.
The OP again responded:
Yes, she is autistic.
NTA - husband's ex is projecting their own worries about their kid onto you. I'd let your husband handle it.
Just because your step daughter is non-verbal doesn't mean she can't celebrate it. I was non-verbal until I was 5... they haven't been able to shut me up since. Your step daughter will talk when she is ready. NTA and enjoy the moment.
If your husband left his ex for you, I would ignore everything she says. I hope you have no ill feeling towards your stepdaughter. I can’t tell. Only you know this. If you don’t have any, then you made a small mistake and just check on the little girl and ask how she is.
As readers, we are not really sure if it bothered her or it could have encouraged her to try and speak on her own. Grown ups tend to make stories inside their heads about how innocent children think.
NTA at all. My kid is also nonverbal. I may be super jelly of other kids, but I sure as hell don't resent them OR their parents for it. If anything, being around another small human being who is learning to talk is going to be GOOD for her.
Even seeing her new little sibling getting praise for it can be good for her. Literally anything to get that kid interested in mimicking what she hears.
'We will absolutely celebrate Callie's milestones when she reaches them too. This moment was Marks.'
NTA. It's perfectly normal to be excited about your child's milestones, and it's not fair for your husband's ex to assume that your excitement was directed at your youngest stepdaughter.
Your stepdaughter being nonverbal doesn't mean you have to pretend that your son didn't say his first word, and you weren't intentionally trying to hurt anyone's feelings. You were just sharing a happy moment with your family.
It's unfortunate that your husband's ex reacted that way, but you don't owe anyone an apology for something that was not intended to cause harm.