Dad hires young babysitter for 16 year old bipolar son, family calls him 'crazy.'
When this dad is torn about his bipolar son, he asks Reddit:
'AITA hiring a sitter for my teenage son although he is 16 years old when me and my wife leave the house?'
My son has type 1 bipolar,I also have it and he is currently medicated with Lithium+Wellbutrin.
All of my extended family thinks I am doing a disrespect to my son and they mostly don't interfere with my decisions unless it is utterly necessary so I felt the need to ask here.
I(42M) will bluntly say that me and his mom(my wife) don't trust my son. His head is always in the clouds,he is always in a Dreamland and he also used fair amount of cannabis and stimulants when he was 14.
We had to pull him out from the school system and we had to homeschool him because he would always sneak out so we homeschooled him,had tutors and we also put him in a probation program. We also changed cities(moved back to our hometown).
He started in -person schooling last February at a private school we trust and their philosophy really suits us. It is about structure and acceptance of who you are. They also have a really good counseling department and they keep us on the loop all the time.
Although he managed to withdraw himself from the addiction and turned his academic failures into huge successes,I don't think we will ever trust him again. He is not allowed to go out without tracking devices.
[Another added INFO:(For example when we sent him to his school without tracking devices three months ago,they found him 20 km away from the school with an older guy in a car.)] and if he is lying about who or where he is going out with,there are consequences.
We also don't let him roam in the house by himself. He has his own room with lock and he can do anything he wants and we won't disturb him(he can bring his partner to our house,we are not dumb that he will have sex but we prefer it happens at home) but he is not allowed to be at home alone.
Also he is not allowed to go at parties because we live in EU and most of the teenagers here can buy drink legally.
Due to all of this,when me and my wife have to go somewhere,we mostly leave him to my or her parents. They also know all of the problems we endured so they are really sensitive and aware to the situation but last week,we had a very big argument.
Last week,there was a family emergency on my wife's side(her uncle died unexpectedly in a heart attack) and we had to go to his funeral at a different city. My son has exams and my parents also had to come with us so we didn't have anyone to leave him so we hired a sitter who is 28 years old.
My parents and her parents said it was an opportunity for him to prove himself but we said unless he has his own house,we won't leave him alone and we had a really bitter argument in the car and all of the journey was tense. So,AITA?
Let's see.
nopepper writes:
NTA. You are the parents and you do what you determine is best for everyone. You don't have to defend your decisions. Personally, I wouldn't be sharing my decisions with others. It is none of their business, is it? Best of luck!
turoneta writes:
YTA. the biggest out there. i had a similar experience almost three years ago and my dad still doesn’t trust me to the point where i don’t even have the house keys. i am 18. i hate being at his house. yes, i do have my bedroom and i can do “whatever” i want, but the feeling of being constantly controlled is horrible.
sneakclesphydra writes:
NTA. A big part of that is that you had an emergency situation where you couldn't really make a plan with him, and constantly checking in would be difficult. I work in mental health, and have worked in crisis stabilization, which is a psych ward. It sounds like you know what your son can and can't do.