50 yo adoptive mother doesn't want newborn meeting her 19 yo 'donor's' family. AITA?
When this 50 year old mother is nervous about her daughter, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for not wanting our daughter around donor family?"
I 50F have struggled with fertility for the past 12 years. My husband and I are proud to say that we have an adoptive mother who chose us and got to know us as a family and chose us to be adoptive Parents for our soon to be daughter.
The adoptive mother is 19, there is no biological father in the picture and we prefer a closed adoption however the mother has pushed for an open one, we agreed.
Yesterday, our daughters bio mom told us she was in labor and we rushed to the hospital, nevertheless she allowed for her mother to be in the room instead of us , the parents.
I don’t understand why I wouldn’t be allowed in the delivery room to see my own daughter be born, but I let it go. Today, she had the baby around 4am this morning and she has allowed over 5 family members see and hold our daughter.
While I understand she may be excited about our daughter arrival, we are concerned about her safety and health #1 and we won’t stand for this. At this point we are just waiting for the papers to be signed over so that we can take it daughter home and raise her properly.
My sister feels I am overstepping boundaries and should play this adequately until she signs her over, but I don’t feel I overstepped by expressing myself. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
wickedangellove writes:
Sorry to say. I have to say YTA only because you did agree to an open one and now you want to push back. You should have never agreed to an open adoption and unfortunately without the papers being signed, you don't have rights to say what the birth mother can and can't do.
Just focus on being as nice and kind and amendable right now so that those papers are signed bc she can still change her mind.
shearmom writes:
YTA. You are using this very young woman as a womb for rent and not treating her as someone who has just given birth, is a mother and is planning to engage in an adoption that will be devastating to her.
You sound incredibly selfish. Have you asked her if she needs anything? Have you treated her like a person at all?
I really hope she changes her mind. She can pursue adoption with another family if she still wants to do so but you are not the right people. They are not the "donor" family BTW. They aren't donating anything. They are the biological family.
oldfox57 writes:
YTA. You are selfish enough for adopting a baby at 50. And now you are even more selfish for wanting to take the baby away from family before they even get to meet her. Adoptions can have very complicated emotions surrounding them, try and have some empathy. A baby isn’t a possession.