Here's the original post:
My wife and I are expecting our first baby together, We made an appointment to find out the gender of the baby. To me, this is very important (I had hopes for a boy) unfortunately, the day of the dr appointment I had to attend my friend's birthday that I remembered last minute.
I asked my wife if we could cancel the appointment and go another day but she looked shocked that I even considered canceling the appointment and going to my friend's birthday, I said I had no choice. She said canceling the dr appointment was off the table because these appointments are restricted to specific time and date and we can't miss it so she'll go alone.
I told her no because that'd be selfish of her and besides this will ruin the news of finding out if the baby is a boy or a girl. She cut the discussion and told me to go to the birthday party. I did then later found out she didn't cancel the dr appointment and went with her mom. I came home seething and blew up at her. I started arguing with her about going behind my back and doing this without me.
She said it wasn't her fault I prioritized a party over my child. I told her I didn't prioritize anything; she literally could've canceled and we would've went another day but clearly, she was trying to steer the fight to a direction where I look like the neglectful and irresponsible one.
We fought some then she said I'm probably angry with her because it's a girl but I responded that she was wrong. She went outside the room claiming I was "stressing her out". now acts like I owe her an apology on top of everything else but I feel upset and like I was decieved by her. AITA?
You asked your wife to reschedule the gender reveal appointment because you wanted to go to a birthday party. Your wife gives a valid reason for not rescheduling and you called her selfish because you wanted to go to a birthday party.
You told your wife she couldn’t go to the appointment without you because you wanted to go to a birthday party. How dense do you have to be to not realize the moment you asked her to reschedule the appointment you were prioritizing the party over the appointment? I feel bad for your wife. YTA.
YTA. "To me, this is very important (I had hopes for a boy) unfortunately, the day of the dr appointment I had to attend my friend's birthy that I remembered last minute" If I was your wife I'd be pissed too that you decided to go to a birthday party that wasn't even important enough to remember about until the "last minute".
YTA. "she was trying to steer the fight to a direction where I look like the neglectful and irresponsible one." ... because you were. How is that not obvious to you? You were double-booked because you screwed up. And once you were in that situation, you prioritized the choice that mattered less.
Thanks for the laugh. YTA. I'll remember you for such hits as "I had to attend my friend's birthy," "I said I had no choice," "that'd be selfish," "I told her I didn't prioritize anything"... You probably could have attended both things, but you know, priorities...
And then DeedlesD really broke it down:
YTA. You prioritised a friends birthday over attending the appointment. A friend who is so important you completely forgot their birthday until the day of the party. It would have been very easy to apologise to your friend and explain you’re not coming because you’re finding out the gender of your baby. Any decent friend would be excited for you.
Your wife is correct, these appointments can’t be changed short notice, they need to be booked weeks in advance and the scans need to be done within a certain time frame. The fact you don’t know any of this and your wife is pregnant makes you an @$$hole.
Being a parent means making sacrifices. You need to choose what is really important to you, hot tip, it should always be your wife and kid/s. If you still have a wife, because unless you start eating some humble pie and apologising for your major screw up, she might realise she doesn’t want to be with someone who isn’t there when she needs them and blames her for their $h!tty choices.
I swear I came here thinking I was somewhat justified in my frustration but I was wrong it seems. Although I just wanna point out that I did not just go to the party without telling my wife and having a discussion with her first. Also the friend lives 2 hours away so I had to leave at 2 and the appoitment was at 4.
I did not know she went and I would've appreciated it if she at least was upfront with me about what she did. She could've said she was going anyway but instead told me to go to the party and had me thinking she was going to cancel and reschedule.
Yeah, that seems like a no.