Dad bans ex from son's 9th birthday; son thinks his mom never showed. AITA?
It's so heartbreaking when one parent isn't fit to properly care for their child and gut wrenching for the other parent to have to deny them access, even if its in the best interest of the child.
One man was repeatedly asked by his 9-year-old son if his mom would be coming to wish him a 'happy birthday'. When his mother did show up, in violation of a court order, she was visibly drunk and screaming to see her son so the man refused her and told his son that she wasn't feeling well. He then went to Reddit to ask:
"AITA for not letting my son see his mom on his birthday?"
u/SadDad7899 writes:
Today we celebrated my son Kevin’s 9th birthday. The entire time he kept ask if/when his mom Sarah will show up. Sarah and I have been divorced for 2 years now. I gained full custody of our 3 children m18, f15, m9. Sarah has been fighting a battle with drugs for a while now.
Today while celebrating, I got a call from my watchman/ gatekeeper that there was a crazy looking woman shouting to let her in so she could see her son. That she was there with a man. And asking whether he should call the cops.
I came down and saw what I expected, Sarah with her boyfriend asking to see Kevin. But she was reeking of alcohol, she was dressed in what looked like pajamas, and just shouting at me to let her see Kevin.
And for a second, i wanted to, i really did. But looking at her,just made me furious and angry. I couldn’t risk her saying something that could hurt Kevin. I told her to leave, cuz she’s in violation of her court order. Thankfully my gatekeeper could take care of the situation without escalating.
When I got back, I guess Kevin noticed something. He asked if that was his mommy, and if she’ll come to wish him happy birthday. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him the truth. Told him she isn’t feeling well. The look of defeat in his eyes tore me a new one.
My daughter says I did the right thing. My eldest son that he would have called the cops on her just for daring to get so close. But IDK he wished to see his mom so badly, surely a glimpse wouldn’t have hurt. AITA (am I the a-hole)?
OP's guilt is understandable but even his older kids think he did the right thing.
Here's what Reddit had to say:
Stoat__King writes:
NTA (not the a-hole). I was sure this would be Y.T.A (you're the a-hole). But turning up drunk, screaming and shouting - I think you were just being a good father. Nine year olds should not be exposed to that.
Dirtmuncher says:
NTA - if you want to see my kid you better ring the bell, ask nicely and bring a gift. Also show up sober! It's a kidsparty not a kegger. You got full custody for a reason. She needs to up her game or not see her children.
Cubansinropa warns:
Of course, NTA. Think of how traumatizing it would have been for him to see her in the state she was in. You demonstrated protective parenting in that moment. Though I would encourage you (if you haven't already) to get your son linked to therapy. He's going to need help processing his life with a parent that struggles with addiction. If you don't, he's going to start drawing his own conclusions that will most likely include partially blaming you.
queltheicequeen writes:
NTA and honestly a glimpse of her in that state likely would have hurt more. Keep being an excellent father they are lucky to have you.
Reddit was on OP's side for sure and offered some great points of advice.
Hopefully, mom can improve in the future so she can have a relationship with her son but OP is protecting his son by not allowing him to see his mom in that state. Reddit says OP is a good dad.