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Child retaliates against older bully, gets called 'evil person' and 'horrible child'.

Child retaliates against older bully, gets called 'evil person' and 'horrible child'.


Parents can be ferocious when it comes to protecting their child. So what do you do when your kid is fighting another kid, but their parent is also your sibling?

It gets even more complicated when the bigger kid is also suffering from a terrible disease that no child (or adult) should ever have to be burdened with. So, after a emotional dispute with their entire family, a parent came to Reddit to ask if standing up for their kid was actually the best choice.

'AITA (Am I the A-hole) for not making my daughter apologise for 'traumatizing' her cousin?'

AITAcousintrauma writes:

We went to my parents' place for lunch during the bank holiday weekend. My sister's daughter 'Ella' (9) has unfortunately been fighting a rare form of cancer for the past two years. She's lost her hair and wears a wig, and is never seen without it.

Since her cancer diagnosis Ella has unfortunately become quite nasty. I understand she's scared and probably very angry about how her life has turned out, but she absolutely terrorises her cousins, particularly my 7 year old, 'Hayley'.

We should've put a stop to this a long time ago, but it's hard to tell off a sick child and not look like the bad guy.

The kids were playing outside when we heard someone crying. Ella had dared Hayley to lick a muddy puddle, and gotten the rest of the kids to demand she did it. They were all egging her on and Ella had my sister's phone and was filming it.

Oh my goodness...

When the adults came outside I took Hayley and made clear she didn't have to do anything, and that this 'game' stopped immediately.

Ella still had the phone and was filming us, and said 'maybe we'll make her do it later.' Hayley was crying her eyes out.

Who wouldn't be?

She let go of me, ran up to Ella, pulled her wig off and threw it into the puddle. Ella started screaming and ran to her parents. She was hyperventilating and screaming for her parents to stop everyone looking at her.

They took Ella into a room to calm her down, but my parents went mad at Hayley, saying taking Ella's wig off was a 'disgusting thing to do'. They said Hayley has 'no idea what Ella has to face every day' (my dad has also survived cancer so this is quite personal to him).

They certainly have a point, there.

Ella's parents came out and said their daughter doesn't want anyone to see her. They said Ella is 'traumatised' by everyone seeing her without her hair.

My sister called Hayley a 'horrible child' and that 'only an evil person' would think about taking a little girl with cancer's wig.

I defended Hayley and said that Ella and the others were clearly bullying and tormenting her, but my sister said it's not her or her daughter's problem if Hayley can't handle 'girly teasing'.

Is that what we're calling it, now??

My parents and my sister/BIL 'agreed' that they want a written apology from Hayley to Ella, one which 'shows that she understands what a cruel thing she did'.

I said that was not going to happen.

We left with Hayley but I'm still seething. I'm truly sorry that Ella is having to go through cancer. But she was tormenting my daughter, ganging up on her and filming the whole thing. Hayley obviously shouldn't have taken the wig, but she was very upset and being bullied.

Were Hayley's actions too harsh? Is a 7 year old supposed to know the exact right way to stand up to her bully?

Reddit didn't think so. Here's what they had to say...

Suspicious-Otterr posts:

NTA (Not the a-hole). She was threatening to force a child who is younger than her into doing something as disgusting as that while also constantly acting out towards her for no reason. It was completely fair that your daughter did that to her. Karma’s a bitch.

not_princess_leia comments:

The 'girly teasing' comment from her mom says to me that Ella was already well on her way to being a bully before getting sick. NTA.

Magi0229 suggests:

Wait. Doesn’t she have this all recorded? Demand a copy of the video and have everyone watch it together. You can use the excuse that you want to make sure you are disciplining your daughter for the correct things for the apology letter.

This way you’ll have all the adults see the trauma your daughter has been dealing with. Oh, and then refuse to have your daughter do the letter and demand one of your own.

Primary-Criticism929 disagrees:

ESH (Everyone sucks here). Y'all are terrible parents. Your sister is raising a bully with the cancer excuse. You're letting your kid be bullied with the cancer excuse. You all need to do better by your kids.

ginntress writes:

The only thing that ever stopped any bully I encountered from bullying was hitting back if telling didn’t work. I always tried telling an adult/teacher first, but if they weren’t going to stop it, I was. And I never regretted a single time I stood up to a bully. Pulling the bully’s wig off wasn’t the best behaviour, but it got the bully to stop and leave her alone.

If it was me, I wouldn’t speak to your parents or sister until they fix their sh*t up. And I’d be a bitch and leave with a parting shot of “Your daughter is a terrible bully and if you don’t fix her behaviour, you’ll ruin your life and hers. And when it happens, I’ll say I told you so”.

And finally, WhiteJadedButterfly has an idea:

NTA, tell the adults that you would apologise if all of them film themselves licking a muddy puddle and posting the video on social media.

We all know kids act out and can be cruel, and it must be a million times worse if they're fighting cancer, especially for two years.

But it looks like 'f*ucking around and finding out' applies to children, too. Hopefully Ella has learned her (painful) lesson about 'girly teasing', and maybe the family can move on and heal.

Sources: Reddit
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