Parenting

<h2>Can money buy back love?</h2><p>A groom-to-be gave his parents a symbolic bill showing the disparity between his treatment and that of his younger siblings. It didn&#39;t go well. So, <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13ri4hm/aita_for_telling_my_parents_i_am_willing_to_sell/" target="_blank">he came to Reddit</a> to ask if that was a dick move.</p><blockquote> <h2>AITA (Am I the a-hole) for telling my parents I am willing to sell them my forgiveness?</h2> </blockquote><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Professional_Rub4448/" rpl="" target="_blank">Professional_Rub4448</a> writes:</p><blockquote> <p>My parents expected me to be independent the minute I turned 18. They gave me the money they had saved up for my education and they started charging me rent.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>I was lucky enough to have a partial scholarship and I found a job in the city my university was in, so I moved there before the school year began.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>With my parents money, my scholarship, and my wages I was able to scrape by. I rarely if ever spoke with my parents. I was kind of busy.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>I guess they decided that they didn&#39;t want that kind of relationship with my younger siblings because they were not presented with the same option. They both lived at home all through university and even afterwards.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>I am 34 now with a decent job and a great girlfriend whom I will be marrying this summer. I sent my parents and siblings an invitation. They called me to ask why they were not involved in the wedding.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>I responded that they hadn&#39;t really been part of my life in 16 years and that I was being nice by inviting them.</p> </blockquote><p> </p><blockquote> <p>They said that they acknowledged that they made mistakes when I was young but that it was in the past and that I should get over it.</p> </blockquote><h2>But OP didn&#39;t do that. Instead...</h2><blockquote> <p>Against my fiancee&#39;s advice, I sent them an itemized bill for everything I paid for myself that they freely gave my brother and sister.</p> <p>I said if they wanted to be a part of my life they had to ante up.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p> </p><blockquote> <p>They said that they cannot afford that because they are in debt still from helping my siblings out. I laughed at that and said I hoped that I would see them at the wedding and hung up.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>My family are all getting ahold of me to let me know how much I&#39;m hurting my parents. The thing is that I don&#39;t want their money.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>And I don&#39;t want anything from them at all other than their attendance at my wedding. If they can&#39;t do that then I&#39;m fine with our yearly phone call. AITA (Am I the a-hole)?</p> </blockquote><h2>Here&#39;s what Reddit had to say...</h2><p> </p><p><strong><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Huntokar_Goddess/" target="_blank">Huntokar_Goddess</a> wants to know: </strong></p><blockquote> <p>I don&#39;t see where the resentment comes from. Maybe I am jaded from Reddit, but they gave you money to help out with your higher education, and I don&#39;t see anywhere that OPs parents wouldn&#39;t have helped him out if he had lost his scholarship or needed additional support.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>OP wasn&#39;t destitute or living in the streets, and OP <em>chose</em> to go low contact with them, with the &#39;I was kind of busy&#39; excuse. Other than the parents charging rent, were they otherwise abusive or neglectful or...? Was the rent they were asking too high?</p> </blockquote><p><strong>OP asks in return: </strong></p><blockquote> <p>Have you ever been a full time student who only got a scholarship as long as his marks stayed high while working two jobs? If not then perhaps you have never been busy.</p> </blockquote><p><strong><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/throwawayztvb/" target="_blank">throwawayztvb</a> needs more info: </strong></p><blockquote> <p>What kind of rent were they charging? Was it something you obviously couldn&#39;t afford (even when they gave you money) or a fairly reasonable amount? That information determines whether or not they basically kicked you out at 18, or just wanted you to understand finances a bit better.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p><strong>OP:</strong></p><blockquote> <p>They gave me $5,000 for school but then wanted $500 a month for rent. I wasn&#39;t planning on working while I was in university. So they would have gotten their money back in under a year. They did not make my siblings pay rent and they helped them with loans for their education. I got a job and have been paying my own way since I was 18. One of my siblings still lives at home rent free. He is 26.</p> </blockquote><p><strong><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/MargaretGrissom/" target="_blank">MargaretGrissom</a> says: </strong></p><blockquote> <p>Wow you are an awful person. The fact they gave you any money for your education was a gift you should be grateful for and you&#39;re not. Sending them an itemized bill for things they did for your siblings but not for you. Your parents didnt owe you a thing. Not for your education or a thing else.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>You are an adult acting like a child. What they did or did not do for your siblings is none of your business. You were not around and hadn&#39;t seen your parents for 16 years. They don&#39;t owe you a thing.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>Your siblings were around your parents, not you, so ya your parents don&#39;t owe it to any of you. I would do more for kids in my life than I would for a kid I havent seen in 16 years. Do something that in your parents best interest for once. Stay away.</p> </blockquote><p><strong>OP&#39;s response:</strong></p><blockquote> <p>I have no problem with them staying away from me.</p> </blockquote><p><strong>But <a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Sensitive_Web_5839/" target="_blank">Sensitive_Web_5839</a> sticks up for him:</strong></p><blockquote> <p>Turn everything you said around because it applies both ways. He didn&rsquo;t want the money it was a petty jab, he doesn&rsquo;t expect them to pay for it. THEY hadn&rsquo;t seen HIM in 16yrs HE doesn&rsquo;t owe THEM anything THEY were the adults HE WAS the child and they decided to stop providing for him.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>Which fair enough he&rsquo;s s legal adult, but they can&rsquo;t be surprised when they burn that bridge. They seemingly blind sided him. They&rsquo;re the ones who started complaining that&rsquo;s they weren&rsquo;t apart of the wedding. He didn&rsquo;t even have to invite them but they tried to demand more.</p> </blockquote><p><strong><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Certain-Data-5397/" target="_blank">Certain-Data-5397</a> writes:</strong></p><blockquote> <p>Well considering they&rsquo;re broke now maybe you can see why they treated you the way they did. They didn&rsquo;t/don&rsquo;t have the money to do what you ask. The only reason your siblings are getting better treatment is because you disowned your parents and now they&rsquo;re choosing to be broke instead of risking your siblings disowning them.</p> </blockquote><p><strong>OP clarifies:</strong></p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>I didn&#39;t disown them. I had no time for anything except work, me, and school for four years. Then I started a demanding career I enjoy and was spending my time with people I like. They made very little effort to see me either. Call it conscious uncoupling.</p> </blockquote><p><strong><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Poetry-dreams/" target="_blank">Poetry-dreams</a> says: </strong></p><blockquote> <p>NTA (Not the a-hole). Maybe the itemized bill was a bit much, but I imagine it was cathartic for you. Your parents haven&#39;t been around in a decade and a half. They have a lot of nerve to ask to be involved. Not being involved in your wedding is just reaping what they sowed. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding.</p> </blockquote><p><strong><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/busyshrew/" target="_blank">busyshrew</a> agrees: </strong></p><blockquote> <p>The crux of the matter is the unfairness of treatment between OP and his siblings. It&#39;s not really the money. Presenting the bill was really giving the parents a big ol&#39; serving of humble pie, clearly OP doesn&#39;t really expect or hope that his parents would make financial amends. NTA.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>So, what do you think?</h2><p>Are there multiple a-holes here, or just one that deserves the ultimate title?</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Parents treat siblings inconsistently; eldest says they can 'buy' his 'forgiveness'.

Carson Cupello

Can money buy back love?A groom-to-be gave his parents a symbolic bill showing the disparity between his treatment and that of his younger siblings. It didn&#39;t go well. So, he came to Reddit to ask if that was a dick move. AITA (Am I the a-hole) for telling my parents I am willing to sell them my forgiveness? Professional_Rub4448 writes: My parents expected me to be independent the minute I turned 18. They gave me the money they had saved up for my education and they started charging me rent.  I was lucky enough to have a partial scholarship and I found a job in the city my university was in, so I moved there before the school year began.  With my parents money, my scholarship, and my wages I was able to scrape by. I rarely if ever spoke with my parents. I was kind of busy.  I guess they decided that they didn&#39;t want that kind of relationship with my younger siblings because they were not presented with the same option. They both lived at home all through university and even afterwards.  I am 34 now with a decent job and a great girlfriend whom I will be marrying this summer. I sent my parents and siblings an invitation. They called me to ask why they were not involved in the wedding.  I responded that they hadn&#39;t really been part of my life in 16 years and that I was being nice by inviting them.   They said that they acknowledged that they made mistakes when I was young but that it was in the past and that I should get over it. But OP didn&#39;t do that. Instead... Against my fiancee&#39;s advice, I sent them an itemized bill for everything I paid for myself that they freely gave my brother and sister. I said if they wanted to be a part of my life they had to ante up.   They said that they cannot afford that because they are in debt still from helping my siblings out. I laughed at that and said I hoped that I would see them at the wedding and hung up.  My family are all getting ahold of me to let me know how much I&#39;m hurting my parents. The thing is that I don&#39;t want their money.  And I don&#39;t want anything from them at all other than their attendance at my wedding. If they can&#39;t do that then I&#39;m fine with our yearly phone call. AITA (Am I the a-hole)? Here&#39;s what Reddit had to say... Huntokar_Goddess wants to know:  I don&#39;t see where the resentment comes from. Maybe I am jaded from Reddit, but they gave you money to help out with your higher education, and I don&#39;t see anywhere that OPs parents wouldn&#39;t have helped him out if he had lost his scholarship or needed additional support.  OP wasn&#39;t destitute or living in the streets, and OP chose to go low contact with them, with the &#39;I was kind of busy&#39; excuse. Other than the parents charging rent, were they otherwise abusive or neglectful or...? Was the rent they were asking too high? OP asks in return:  Have you ever been a full time student who only got a scholarship as long as his marks stayed high while working two jobs? If not then perhaps you have never been busy. throwawayztvb needs more info:  What kind of rent were they charging? Was it something you obviously couldn&#39;t afford (even when they gave you money) or a fairly reasonable amount? That information determines whether or not they basically kicked you out at 18, or just wanted you to understand finances a bit better. OP: They gave me $5,000 for school but then wanted $500 a month for rent. I wasn&#39;t planning on working while I was in university. So they would have gotten their money back in under a year. They did not make my siblings pay rent and they helped them with loans for their education. I got a job and have been paying my own way since I was 18. One of my siblings still lives at home rent free. He is 26. MargaretGrissom says:  Wow you are an awful person. The fact they gave you any money for your education was a gift you should be grateful for and you&#39;re not. Sending them an itemized bill for things they did for your siblings but not for you. Your parents didnt owe you a thing. Not for your education or a thing else.  You are an adult acting like a child. What they did or did not do for your siblings is none of your business. You were not around and hadn&#39;t seen your parents for 16 years. They don&#39;t owe you a thing.  Your siblings were around your parents, not you, so ya your parents don&#39;t owe it to any of you. I would do more for kids in my life than I would for a kid I havent seen in 16 years. Do something that in your parents best interest for once. Stay away. OP&#39;s response: I have no problem with them staying away from me. But Sensitive_Web_5839 sticks up for him: Turn everything you said around because it applies both ways. He didn&rsquo;t want the money it was a petty jab, he doesn&rsquo;t expect them to pay for it. THEY hadn&rsquo;t seen HIM in 16yrs HE doesn&rsquo;t owe THEM anything THEY were the adults HE WAS the child and they decided to stop providing for him.  Which fair enough he&rsquo;s s legal adult, but they can&rsquo;t be surprised when they burn that bridge. They seemingly blind sided him. They&rsquo;re the ones who started complaining that&rsquo;s they weren&rsquo;t apart of the wedding. He didn&rsquo;t even have to invite them but they tried to demand more. Certain-Data-5397 writes: Well considering they&rsquo;re broke now maybe you can see why they treated you the way they did. They didn&rsquo;t/don&rsquo;t have the money to do what you ask. The only reason your siblings are getting better treatment is because you disowned your parents and now they&rsquo;re choosing to be broke instead of risking your siblings disowning them. OP clarifies: I didn&#39;t disown them. I had no time for anything except work, me, and school for four years. Then I started a demanding career I enjoy and was spending my time with people I like. They made very little effort to see me either. Call it conscious uncoupling. Poetry-dreams says:  NTA (Not the a-hole). Maybe the itemized bill was a bit much, but I imagine it was cathartic for you. Your parents haven&#39;t been around in a decade and a half. They have a lot of nerve to ask to be involved. Not being involved in your wedding is just reaping what they sowed. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. busyshrew agrees:  The crux of the matter is the unfairness of treatment between OP and his siblings. It&#39;s not really the money. Presenting the bill was really giving the parents a big ol&#39; serving of humble pie, clearly OP doesn&#39;t really expect or hope that his parents would make financial amends. NTA. So, what do you think?Are there multiple a-holes here, or just one that deserves the ultimate title?

Can money buy back love?  A groom-to-be gave his parents a symbolic bill showing the disparity between his treatment and that of his younger siblings. It didn&#39;t go well. So, he came to Reddit to ask if that was a dick move.   AITA (Am...