'AITA for telling my son he needs to get over his ex after he cheated on her?' UPDATED

Loving your kids doesn't mean supporting every single decision they make. In fact, in many cases it means calling them out when needed.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a mom asked if she was wrong for snapping at her son after he blew up his marriage. She wrote:

"AITA for telling my son he needs to get over his ex?"

I have a 26-year-old son named Dylan. He was married to Miranda for 5 years. I only have sons so I consider Miranda a daughter. She was a perfect wife, funny, respectful and she cared for Dylan. However, about a little over a year ago Miranda came crying to me that Dylan was cheating on her with a girl from high school. And the worst part was that Miranda was five months pregnant with twins.

I told her to file for divorce because I wished I had when my first husband had cheated on me. She immediately found a lawyer and started the Divorce. Dylan acted like he didn’t care, but refused to sign the papers until his father forced him to. He quickly moved on with Lily, the girl from high school. I disliked her instantly.

She did dr*gs, did nothing but laid around and is a jerk to everyone but hides it as bluntness. It was my granddaughters first birthday and Dylan came with Lily and Miranda came with Landon, her new boyfriend. One reason Dylan said he cheated was because Miranda was getting fat.

So between the split custody Miranda went to the gym and not only did she lose the baby weight, she got into really good shape. Landon was her trainer, and they have been dating for about 7 months. He’s a sweet guy who’s a better man than my son. Lily scoffed and talked bad about Miranda wearing a crop top as a mother, I overheard her and told Lily that Miranda is young, fit and only 25, so it suits her.

Lily went to go tell my son that I called her fat, he didn’t want any trouble so he just brushed it off. He also was staring at Landon all day. My oldest son told me that he isn’t happy with Lily but has to stay with her to prove a point. But here’s where things really take a turn, my niece and Miranda are best friends.

So when she tried to get Miranda to have a drink, Miranda denied, so my niece screamed that she must be pregnant as a joke, but the face Miranda made everyone knew it was true. So we start congratulating her, then we hear my son scream, “You got to be f&*king kidding me.” Everyone stopped and stared at him.

And instead of backing down my son continued to yell about how she doesn’t even know that guy, and that she’s really throwing everything away for two minutes of fun. While she was screaming Lily came up and punched Miranda, so my niece handled her, and Lily ended up going to jail. The party was cut short. But after everyone left, my husband and I found my son balled up on the couch crying.

My husband grabbed him by his collar and said he brought this mess upon himself and crying about it now shows that he’s nothing but a coward. He tried to explain that he knew he ruined everything but thought he had time for a second chance. I said to him in the harshest tone “that he was a piece of s#$t who I’m embarrassed to call a son, so he’s getting everything he asked for.”

I then told him to get the f**k out my house. And don’t come back to Miranda accepts his apology. My three older sons heard what I told him, the two oldest agree with what I said but said that I could’ve told him that in a nicer way. My youngest said he was already at his lowest, and shouldn’t have said anything at all.

I also heard that since Miranda decided to press charges Lily is stuck in jail because my son refuses to pay her bail. AITA?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Fearful_clown1025 wrote:

Ignoring my skepticism of whether or not this is real, I can say one thing with certainty. Your family is pretty trashy. Dylan's the worst but y'all raised him so. But back to my skepticism. How exactly is Miranda having a baby so soon (less than a year) after giving birth? How did Lily go to jail immediately? How many husbands and sons do you have? So many things are not adding up

OP responded:

It hasn’t been less than a year, it’s been over a year. It’s been about sixteen months. I have 4 sons and I’ve been married twice. My second husband is Dylan’s father. This happened about a week ago. And my oldest son said Dylan hasn’t left his house since then so I posted this for advice.

Fearful_clown1025 wrote:

This means Miranda was pregnant when her daughter was 13-months (again assuming you guys are on Earth). This means that Miranda probably conceived a month or two before this event. How does a lady get into perfect shape while raising a baby and getting pregnant again? I don't think that's particularly healthy. Also, Landon apparently has a thing for heavily pregnant women...

OP responded:

I’m not sure about your math. Miranda was 5 months pregnant, four months later she had the babies. Then twelve months pass (a year) thus 16 months. After 4 months my son and Miranda had the babies one week then switch because she used formula. She wasn’t pregnant when she met Landon. I swear people on this forum are not helpful at all.

forgetregret1day wrote:

I’m interested in how you felt about your son before he married Miranda. Was he always such a disappointment to you back then? You seem to have two things going here. First, you put Miranda on a pedestal. I’m sure she was perfect in your eyes, but you didn’t live with her and you weren’t in their marriage.

Most things don’t happen in a vacuum so unless he was always a bad seed, who really knows what happened. Second, you have very strong feelings on cheating, as most people do, but you might have been projecting your own feelings about your husband’s cheating onto him. You chose to stay and you wish you hadn’t. Punishing your son could be an extension of those feelings.

That said, I’m not sure what you and your husband wanted to accomplish by kicking him when he was down. He knows he f’d up and he’s facing the consequences of his bad decision. I’m not saying cheating should be condoned or celebrated, but that ship has sailed.

He’s feeling remorse for what he did so he’s not hopeless. I can’t say what I’d do in your situation, but hearing his parents say such hateful things can’t be helpful. ESH except the poor children who had no choice to be born into this mess.

OP responded:

You’re probably right. I viewed Miranda as my own child and when he was with Miranda Dylan was perfect. With Lily he’s been a mess. I probably projected my feelings and regret what I said, but I just wanted him to feel the pain Miranda felt. Which I know is not the best thing to do. I feel embarrassed.

forgetregret1day wrote:

I understand, I’m a mom too and I don’t mean to kick you when you’re down either. We do our best with what we have at the time. This was a very charged situation and things got out of hand. I hope you and your son are able to talk things through and meet each other where you are. I agree Lily isn’t good for him and this might have made him see that more clearly. Sending hugs.

OP responded:

Thank you, I really appreciate it.

jenea wrote:

The disappearing twin is a huge plot hole. It really breaks immersion. YTA.

OP responded:

There’s two girls where is there a missing baby?

InfamousCup7097 wrote:

So he thought he still had a chance with his ex while still banging his new crazy gf who decided that punching a pregnant lady was a good idea? Doesn't sound like he loves his ex, it sounds like he doesn't want her to be happier than him and so he threw a fit. He needed to be told straight. He and his gf made a scene and then acted like victims in a situation they had a hand in.

Maybe if he hits rock bottom, he'll finally grow up and start climbing his way out of the hole he keeps digging. NTA.

A day later, OP shared an update.

So as I read the comments I realized I was in the wrong for how I talked to my son. So this morning I went to his apartment and when I walked in everything was clean but as I went to his bedroom I could tell he hadn’t moved from that spot. I just gave him a hug and kiss and apologized for being to harsh. He hugged me back and apologized.

So I cooked breakfast for us and he told me everything that happened this week. He apologized to Miranda and said sorry about everything and would like to formally me Landon if he’s going to be around the girls. They agreed as long as Lily was not there. Dylan then explained to me that he broke up with Lily. She was able to see a judge who just gave a warning and slap on the wrist so no jail time.

But Miranda is taking her to civil court and Dylan said he’ll testify on Miranda’s behalf. I told him that shows a lot of growth already and asked him if he’ll be willing to go to therapy. He said he’ll try it so we’ve been looking at therapist this morning. So everything’s starting to go good I guess.

The internet did not hold back their thoughts.

DrSnoopRob wrote:

So somehow the entire court case was wrapped up since yesterday when the first part of the story was posted?

OP responded:

This happened a week ago.

Ranoutofoptions7 wrote:

This seems like a good outcome. Your son knows he was thoroughly in the wrong and needs to work on himself to move forward. Now he also knows he is not alone and has a reason to keep moving forward and striving to be a better person.

eightmarshmallows wrote:

I’m glad you’re supporting your son. Sometimes when they make the kind of mistakes he’s made, they are afraid to admit they gave up so much for so little. It’s hard to help our kids be better people when they’ve done something awful. Least fun part of parenting.

That is all on this saga, for now.