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'AITA for telling my wife she cannot name our child after her grandmother Lolita?' UPDATED

'AITA for telling my wife she cannot name our child after her grandmother Lolita?' UPDATED


"AITA for telling my wife she cannot name our child after her grandmother in anyway?"

Long story short, my wife's grandmother who was the person that raised her name was Lolita, my wife would like our honor her grandmother by giving our daughter her name. I told her, no, never going to happen.

The negative connotation alone is enough for me to say no, but the amount of people who would make fun of her is just the icing on the cake. My wife is calling me unreasonable, telling me that it is a lovely name. I told her does not matter if she feels it is a lovely name, the reality is it has a negative connotation with it being associated with "Loli." Am I overreacting?

Commenters had a lot to say in response.

Dachshundmom5 wrote:

NTA, does Grandma have a middle name? A favorite movie character or a favorite book? For instance, the first movie I remember curling up on my grandmother's couch with her to watch was Gone With The Wind. I wouldn't use my grandmother's name (she hated it), but Scarlett is a happy memory.

The first book she got me was Secret Garden, so Mary would work as well. My grandfather grew roses, Rose. Things like that connect to a loved one without using the actual name. Being named for a book about a ped*phile obsessed with a 12 yr old is not great.

No_Bandicoot2301 wrote:

NTA. Even if kids don't make the connection, adults will. And I've met adults who have no issues bullying kids for their names. I certainly experienced that in school.

iamjustacrayon wrote:

NTA. I once decided to try and read the book because I wanted to see what the big deal was. I occasionally get these moods where I like to read dark/disturbing fiction, and so I figured it wouldn't be any worse than that.

It's not uncommon for me to drop stories because my brain stops being able to pay attention to it (pretty bad ADHD), but that was the only time I had to stop because of how disgusting the story made me feel.

It's a brilliantly written statement piece. The author has a gift for bringing you into the head of the point of view character, making you understand him. The POV character is an unrepentant ped*phile. Most of the story is about how he grooms and s*xually abuses a little girl. And the name that he calls her is "Lolita" (her actual name (the girl in the story) is Dolores)

It was (if I remember correctly) written as a statement about how vulgar language is not the only criteria for judging how "inappropriate" a story is, and that you can tell a deeply unsettling story using only entirely "proper" language. It's very disturbing how many people see the book as a romance/love story. It's a horror story. It's just one told from the perpetrator's perspective, instead of the victim's.

blueSnowfkake wrote:

I’m confused because I don’t know what “loli” means. My immediate reaction to the name “Lolita” is the fact that it’s a famous novel by Vladimir Nabokov and subsequent movies about a ped*phile.. How about “Lola” as a compromise? Kelly Ripa’s daughter is named Lola and I think it’s cute.

ReddestForman wrote:

Lolita has stopped being a "name" and has become a cultural reference.

Explain to her that this isn't about you. It's about what that name will do to a girl's life in middle and high school.

Like. For f**k's sake, your wife is a woman, how the hell does she not know what girls that age are like? Really talk to her about the kind of f**ked up, s*xualized bullying she'd be opening her daughter up to. About the creeps who will get all f*tishy meeting a girl with a name like that. The name f**king plummeted in use for a reason.

The next day, OP jumped on with an update.

I have not gone through every reply, I have gone through as many as I could. I am aware of the connection of the book, as is my wife. That being said she feels people should not let society impact what a parent names their child. Idk how many people are aware of the Dane Cook bit regarding naming kids after Transformers, as a joke I said if I had a boy I would name them Optimus.

She said she would be fine with it. I did ask, yes her grandmother's name was Lolita, it appears in Hispanic culture it does not have a negative connotation. I explained my stance but she feels as parents we need to just stand up for our children if they get bullied and when the time comes we just have to explain why people may make fun of her, and that it is not her fault.

She refuses to use it as a middle name. She does have the stance that a mother should get the final say, she even said she would fill out the birth certificate without me present if need be. So it appears my child will be named Lolita, and that is that. My wife also hates nicknames, she is big on being called the full first name. It is what it is.

People had a lot of thoughts about OP's update.

cutetys wrote:

Someone should send the dude all the updates on the parents who named their baby Karen. The harassment (don’t know a better word for it) that the Karen kid and her parents experienced was so bad they ended up changing the kid’s name.

OP's kid is going to experience so much worse if they go through with this name as not only will their kid be bullied by other kids, but their kid at a minimum is going to experience s*xual harassment from p*dos and pervy adults from a young age, possibly worse. I hope they realize this before the kid is born.

digitrev wrote:

I mean, full points to OP for the sheer brevity of both the post and the update. I predict the poor kid's gonna desperately try to find a nickname to go by at school ASAP. Maybe Lita?

Tibetzz wrote:

I love parents who think their child will somehow feel better about being mistreated if they just understood how unreasonable their tormentors are.

DandalusRoseshade wrote:

Can't wait for the update 20 years later where the wife has NO IDEA why her daughter changed her name as soon as she could.

happytiara wrote:

I knew someone named Lolita and excitingly she married someone about 30-35 years older then her. I always wondered if her name impacted her at all.

lagann41 wrote:

"People should not let society impact what a parent names their child" This is such a bs point. That girl has to live in society unless you plan to never let her interact with anyone. Destroying the child's life for no reason.

Well, this resolved differently than the internet was hoping for.

Sources: Reddit
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