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Aunt ignores ex-BIL's request to see his 'new kids,' while seeing her niblings. AITA?

Aunt ignores ex-BIL's request to see his 'new kids,' while seeing her niblings. AITA?


When this woman is furious with her ex-BIL, she asks Reddit:

"AITA for ignoring my former BILs request to include his children from his second marriage when I see my niblings?"

I lost my sister Jac to cancer several years ago. During her final months she learned her husband Sam was cheating on her. She also became aware that he was planning to make a life with his affair partner once she was gone.

She was angry, hurt, betrayed and felt disgusted by him. He had made all these plans with his other woman with the money she would be leaving behind. Jac had sued one of her former doctors for medical negligence and won.

So she was sitting on a very life changing amount. She did not want Sam or his other woman or any future kids of theirs to benefit from her death and the negligence that caused her very treatable cancer to be fatal. So she changed what would happen to everything and set up a trust with me as the trustee.

Once Sam learned this, after Jac's death, he did everything to try and carry out damage control with me. But when he realized I knew about his affair and was disgusted with him and would not be helping him break the law, he tried to cut me off from Sky and Belle.

Which led me to fight for visitation in court under our grandparents (family) rights laws. I won. I see my niblings every other Saturday, all major holidays and he cannot prevent phone access between us.

Sam married his other woman and now has additional children as well as her child from a prior relationship who moved in with them 3ish years ago. He has asked me to include his other children and in the past I would say no. But it has continued to the point where I now ignore his requests completely.

Sky (15m) and Belle (14f) told me their dad tries to involve them but they don't want to include their stepsibling or half siblings. They actually wanted to live with my family and me. But I don't have grounds for that.

So I just see and speak to them as much as I can and we spend time together when we get it. But they are pretty clear they want to keep me, my husband and their cousins for themselves. We're their only extended maternal family.

Sky told me a couple of weeks ago that things might get worse because their dad was adopting his stepchild and the oldest half sibling is asking more questions about why they don't get to come. Sky was right and Sam told me the kids want to come and I should open my heart.

He decided to approach me at the school gate and called me out for ignoring his requests. A couple of other parents who heard him say I ignored his kids were mumbling that I was a pretty heartless person to let kids get hurt in the middle of this.

Sam also accused me of turning my niblings against him and their family and he said refusing to include the kids shows how much I don't care about their hurts. AITA?

Let's see what readers thought.

waterserpent writes:

NTA. This is like asking your sister, if she were alive, to watch her husband and AP's children. She wouldn't. And you are 100% not obligated. His other children need to learn their place in the family tree.

Eventually, they will stop asking. The time you spend with your niblings could be the same time their half and step siblings spend with their mother's family. I think your former BIL is being manipulative. He's trying to use you as childcare or something worse.

blumhamster1076 writes:

NTA The way I would’ve YELLED I’m not watching the children you had cheating on my dying sister. If you want to play games and manipulate others, I’ll up the ante. Nobody is talking crazy about his kids or his life.

You mind your business. He can do the same. If he doesn’t want his kids to know he’s a cheater, he shouldn’t cheat. If he needs a babysitter, he can pay for one.

biddybiddybee writes:

NTA. In every single one of these posts that comes up in this subreddit, where alienated step parents want their stepchildren with absolutely no ties or blood relation to be included in festivities of a family they have no ties with, it is never a family that's struggling.

It's never a family that has no resources, and they just want to get together out of love.

They always want these unattached, non-related step kids to have relationships with family members that are well to do, have quite a bit of money, and can provide gifts for them. I promise you if you did not have finances, they would be out of your life for good.

Looks like OP is NTA. What do YOU think?

Sources: Reddit
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