"AITA for making my sister listen to her daughter scream?"
My (33F) sister, Marnie (35F), has a 3 year old daughter, Annabelle. I love my niece very, very much but Marnie sets down no boundaries for her. Everything Annabelle does is age appropriate but as a parent, it’s your job to help your child become the best person they can be.
When Annabelle doesn’t want to do something or needs to get her way, she screams. It’s very, very loud and hard to ignore. Marnie and her husband instantly give in. As a mom of 4, I completely understand it’s hard to hear your child cry or be upset. And sometimes, yes, absolutely pick your battles. But others, the toddler can’t win.
Around the holidays, Marnie and I hung out a lot with the kids. At one point, we were headed to an aquarium. Marnie started going one way and Annabelle started screaming. Marnie turns around and heads in a direction that’ll add 15 minutes to our route.
When I asked why, she said that Annabelle likes passing a certain landmark on her way. However, Annabelle then started screaming she didn’t want to see it and halfway there, we turned around. It added more time and my kids were annoyed.
I let most of this go as Annabelle is not my child, it isn’t my vehicle or house where these predicaments take place. But then Marnie broke her leg while her husband was out of town. She needed help getting around and tending to Annabelle. I agreed they should stay with us.
Last night, we pick up our kids from school, stopping at Annabelle’s preschool last. Once we finally get her in the car (she didn’t want to leave and Marnie let her just run around for 10 minutes, wouldn’t let me grab her because “she’s the boss of her body”).
I’m exhausted. I still have to get home and cook. As I’m heading in one direction, Annabelle starts screaming for me to go in the other. I calmly explain that way is longer and we don’t have the time.
Marnie asks me to just make it easier, she doesn’t want to hear her scream. Going that way will add more time to our drive. I say no again and keep driving, putting on some kid friendly music.
My kids are trying to distract Annabelle. Marnie starts crying, saying things like “It’s okay, baby! We’ll be home soon! Oh, I know you’re so sad! This isn’t very nice”. The thing is, Annabelle stopped screaming (keep in mind, she never shed a tear, just screamed) after 5 minutes when she realized she wasn’t getting her way.
Marnie later told me that I was horrible for forcing her to listen to her daughter scream. Would it have been so hard to not add stress to her? My husband agrees that I did the right thing but also pointed out Marnie and Annabella are going through a stressful time. AITA (Am I the a-hole)?
Here's why OP thinks they may be the AH:
1) forcing my sister to hear her daughter scream. 2) My sister just broke her leg and her husband is out of town. They’ve had a lot of stress and upheaval and I added to it.
What do you think? Was there a better way OP could have handled the situation?
From phenomstar:
NTA (Not the a-hole). It's your car, and you're not being paid to chauffer her daughter around. When she drives she picks the path home, and you kept mum. They can afford you the same respect. But, you can't change how your sister parents her child. You can only distance yourself from the spoiled brat she's raising.
But sexmountain disagrees:
Typical AH mom judging other moms without any boundaries or compassion. Yes, where are your boundaries? Who are you to judge? Perhaps Annabelle has undiagnosed neurodivergence, or trauma you don't know about, or anxiety, perhaps her parents are still figuring it out, perhaps her mom is depressed, etc.
Marnie starts crying, saying things like “It’s okay, baby! We’ll be home soon! Oh, I know you’re so sad! This isn’t very nice.” Even mocking her. The self righteousness here, I hope you know that other moms see it and loathe moms like you. Learn some boundaries if you ever expect to judge others for not having any. YTA (You're the a-%$le).
Far-Juggernaut8880 asks:
NTA (Not the a-@ole) - hopefully Marnie and her husband will learn to set healthy boundaries with Annabelle. Does Annabelle behave like this at preschool?
OP responds:
Yup. There’s been a lot of behavioral reports because she screams when told no or clean up messes.
JustinIsFunny says:
Holy God your sister and her husband are HUGE AHs. The level of entitlement your sister has as you’re caring for her kid and HER. F**k that noise (pun intended). I’d let her navigate the broken leg and screaming toddler on her own. You have 4 kids of your own, thats harder than dealing with one kid and a broken leg. NTA (Not the a-hole).
As the saying goes, "they can cry now or you can cry later". This won't get better as she gets older if Marnie keeps thing this way, only worse.