Aunt wants to kick homeless sis and kids out when sis uses 'weaponized therapy lingo.'
When this woman feels like her sister is using therapy against her, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for not following my sister's rules and boundaries?'
My sister and her 3 kids are living with me until September. That’s when her Hud housing becomes available. Slowly my sister has been setting rules with me like she owns the place. She goes to a psychiatrist and every time she comes home she has new rules and boundaries with me.
Recently she’s gotten her and the kids into clean eating and she insists if I grab fast food I should eat it in the car for her kids not to see me bring it in.
The new one is that she created a chore chart at her psychiatrist session so I can do my part in home she’s living in rent free and works only 16 hours a week.
She tried to tell me she feels like a live in servant because the house is always dirty. I never had a problem with keeping my home cleaned with just me and the house is probably dirty because of her and 3 kids.
We got in an argument about boundaries and rules and suggested I go to her with her psychologist next week so they can both talk to me.
I told her I think she should find other living arrangements because my place is so terrible for her to live. She said I was a being mean and she’s just asserting her boundaries.
I told my sister she can go assert those boundaries in a homeless shelter or go live with her psychologist, because it’s my home and I’m not charging my routine for her.
My sister has literally locked herself in her room with the kids and has been crying for hours now but I think her rules are inconsiderate to me and her psychiatrist can shove it because this isn’t my sister’s home and she shouldn’t be trying to enforce chores charts when it’s her and the kids wrecking my place every day. AITA?
Let's see what readers had to say.
vancitymala writes:
Yeah this is full on weaponized therapy talk. I’m so curious how she spun this to her psychiatrist (if there even is a psychiatrist at all). OP- this is the time that YOU get to set a boundary and rules.
With the consequences of your sister getting 48 hours notice that she needs to move out if she doesn’t follow them (or whatever legal guideline might need to be upheld depending on where you live and if she would be considered a tenant). And I would be making sure to include everything that you can possibly think of. If she doesn’t agree, she leaves.
Since she seems so curious on how boundaries work, might as well give her a hands on lesson.
maleficent40 writes:
NTA. Either your sister, her therapist, or both don't quite seem to have grasped the concept that boundaries are about what the BOUNDARY-SETTER will do/not do or stay in the presence of/leave the presence of. They are responses to the behavior of others, not a proscription as to how others should behave.
I get that changing her kids' diet is tough if you're eating food the kids would prefer and they see it...but managing that kind of situation is parenting.
This is not a 'let's share things and build something together' situation. This is a one person assisting another and the second person does not, in fact, get to make rules for anyone except her kids.
kempeth writes:
ESH. Because neither one of you seems to be willing to communicate. She's foisting rules on you under your own roof and you're lording your generosity over her with zero concerns. Not teasing her kids with fast food isn't an outrageous request. Demanding you eat it in the car, that is.