MIL calls DIL 'disrespectful hypocrite' for kissing her baby in front of her. AITA?
"AITA for refusing to stop kissing my own baby?"
ZealousidealTea5062
My husband (M25) and I (F25) have a six-week-old daughter. She's our first baby and the first grandchild in both of our families. We were advised by our pediatrician to not allow anyone besides ourselves to kiss our baby for the first 8-12 weeks minimum.
This has been communicated to both of our families who have been respectful of this (as well as our other boundaries/rules) despite a little bit of grumbling about it from his side.
Last weekend we were over at my in-laws house and I had just finished breastfeeding my daughter, so she was all sleepy. I kissed her forehead before settling her to nap on my chest.
My MIL noticed and immediately remarked on it in a super passive-aggressive manner: "Oh, I'm so glad that we're able to kiss [baby] now! Did your pediatrician update the rules?" I was super confused and asked her what she meant and that the pediatrician's recommendation hadn't changed. She then accused me of violating the rules by kissing my own baby.
I told her that the recommendation was that no one besides myself and my husband kiss our daughter, and she argued and heavily implied that I was being dishonest because I'd previously said "nobody can kiss the baby" rather than "nobody but husband and I can kiss the baby."
She went on and on about this until I snapped that it should've been obvious that the rules we told her regarding our baby were about what we would/wouldn't allow OTHER PEOPLE to do. She called me a hypocrite so I got up and shut myself in the guest room while my daughter continued to nap on me.
A little while later my MIL came in and "apologized," claiming it was a knee-jerk reaction and she was just confused and upset. She said she understands now that the rule only applies to other people. She then asked me if I would avoid kissing my baby in front of her until she's allowed to do so as well, because it's upsetting to see me doing that and knowing that she can't.
I told her I can understand that it's frustrating to have strong urge to kiss a baby and not be able to. But, I am personally not going to stop kissing my own baby for the sake of her feelings. My MIL is calling me disrespectful and a hypocrite and has gotten my SIL on board with this as well. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Swirlyflurry
NTA. What’s next, is she going to ask you to stop breastfeeding in front of her since she doesn’t get to do it too? She needs to back off.
RebeccaMCullen
I must be missing MIL's logic on this one, cuz the baby will be interacting with whatever germs mom has simply by breastfeeding, regardless of what the doctor says.
Zthehumam
NTA: if you like, I’d be happy to politely tell your MIL to go to hell. In all honesty, your spouse needs to deal with this. The rule should always always be: “your parent, your problem” (excepting those handful of situations where the in-laws like the spouse more than their own kid).
ThrowRAsharingabed
NTA you don’t have a baby kissing problem, you have a mother in law problem.
AceyAceyAcey
And a husband problem, where is he in all this?
Ok-Raspberry7884
I assume he was involved somewhere between OP going to the guest room and MIL coming in and saying she now understands the rule. He might not have known his mother was going to ask OP to not kiss the baby when he was getting the "no kissing" rules established with her again. Which I assume he did because she doesn't seem the type to have accepted them without some sort of intervention.
The OP responded here:
ZealousidealTea5062
He and I are a team on this one! He wasn't around for the initial confrontation but got back shortly after I went to the guest room and shut down MIL trying to complain to him about me and doubled-down on the rules. He was the one who forced her to apologize and didn't know she was going to do the whole "don't kiss the baby in front of me" thing.