When this husband is annoyed with his wife, he asks Reddit:
I (m31) live with my wife (f30). We have two kids, (f6) and (f2). We've recently had a bit of financial difficulty as our rent got increased and my job has been cutting my hours. We aren't struggling to survive but we need to count our coins before buying any luxuries.
I managed to get a second job to make up for the cut hours but we still need to be very mindful about where our money goes and I've had a few discussions with my wife about it.
My wife is a SAHM. Our eldest goes to school from 8am to 4pm. My job covers childcare for our youngest and she goes to daycare from 8am to 2pm, 3 days a week. I take the kids to school and daycare and my wife picks them up.
I noticed some transactions from our shared bank account that were unusual and I asked my wife about it. She explained that she's been taking our youngest to ballet lessons in the afternoons after daycare once a week, and each lesson is $30.
I got annoyed because my wife didn't discuss this with me and $30 a week is quite a bit of money. I asked her to stop taking her to the lessons because we can't afford them but suggested she look for cheaper activities, preferably something both of our children could enjoy.
My wife protested and said that our youngest really enjoys the ballet, she called me an a**hole and how dare you and said that I'm depriving my daughter of something that could help her future, and that we can find a way to afford them.
I called the lessons a waste of money, she's wasting money on our daughter, and told my wife that we are partners and she shouldn't spend large amounts without discussing it, especially when we don't have a lot as it is.
My wife started crying and said that something that makes our child happy isn't a waste of money. She went into our room and slammed the door and that was the end of that conversation. Since then, my wife hasn't really been speaking to me and I wonder if I was the AH here. AITA?
OP you are NTA. To be honest (working mum) I don’t get why your youngest is in childcare if she’s a SAHM. She can get a job, and then pay for the ballet herself. Problem solved.
ETAa In this day and age with the rising cost of living being a SAHM is a luxury. And to have three days of childcare as well that she’s not even using by going to work?! Just sitting around using electricity my blood would be boiling.
Ballet lessons and other extra curricular are lovely, but you are a partnership and she is definitely not pulling her weight here.
The mom sounds lazy to me. The kid is at daycare 3 days a week, 6 hours a day. With all due respect, if a SAHM needs that much time alone to get caught up - she needs to rethink things. This isn’t a break once a week for a few hours - it’s 3/4 of the work week…