Bride and groom request that pregnant SIL drop out of their wedding party. AITA?
When this bride and groom make a decision to cut SIL from their wedding party, they ask Reddit:
"AITA for asking my soon to be sister-in-law out of our wedding for being pregnant?"
My fiance and I got engaged over 2 years ago. Both of us are very family oriented and we excited to be able to include all of our siblings in our wedding. I have my sister as my moh and his sister as a bridesmaid.
My fiancee had picked his sisters husband to be his best man. Flash forward to a bridesmaid dress appointment with just his sister, she told me that they were planning on having another baby soon.
I was so excited for her but then I asked when they were planning on trying. She told me that they were going to shoot for november (9 months from my wedding). I had asked if they do what was there plan if they are due relatively around our wedding.
She replied with well I went into labor early last time so it will be fine. I had brought it up to my fiance because to me that was not only a weird place to bring it up but also weird to plan to try 9 months from your brothers wedding. Side note his sister got married about 4 years ago on his birthday.
So when I brought it up all he said to me was I just want 1 day. We had a really long talk on the what ifs.
We went and talked to then about how we would really love to have both of them in the wedding and how we arnt telling them not to have children but if you could not be due around our wedding so we don't have to ask one to step out. After a long talk we were all in agreement.
Now it's November and we get a text baby #2 is on the way. And she is due 3 weeks before our wedding. We both just feel like we are stuck between a rock and a hard place.
They told us that there is family there they can watch the kids during the ceremony, but we didn't invite them to be their personal baby sitters. Neither of us want a new born in our suites while we get ready either.
So we sat down and asked her to step out of the wedding. Are we wrong for our stance in this? We are already starting to recieve so much backlash from our decision. AITA?
Side note his sister got married about 4 years ago on his birthday...when I brought it up all he said to me was I just want 1 day.
Let's see what readers thought.
iamirene writes:
Oh. She's one of those. NTA. I wouldn't feel bad about asking her to step down. You have a wonderful idea for including family for your wedding but your fiancé's sister seems to have a history of "stealing thunder", specifically your fiancé's' which is unfortunate.
Be prepared though, if she's malevolent about this she will likely attempt to use either her pregnancy or newborn to steal attention at your wedding. There are positive ways to thwart this which will preserve relationships and honor the new addition to the family.
If I were in your shoes, I'd make a special toast about the new addition at the reception. Short, sweet and to the point. Then I'd continue immediately after with a special toast to my new husband, a very long and beautiful toast to highlight everything wonderful about him.
Basically, a short spotlight to honor the new addition and a long, glowing light on your husband. He can then follow up with a toast to you as well. This short circuits his sister but also sweetly acknowledges your soon-to-be niece/nephew while redirecting attention where it belongs - you and your spouse.
confidenttry7 writes:
NAH. Plenty of people don't want teens, children and newborns at their wedding... Hence a no babies or kids policy. And I highly doubt she'll be able to show up two-three weeks after the baby is born, to go to a wedding.
I was having a hard time with this one because OP's SIL KNEW about their wedding which (and I'm assuming) you've had the date already set, the day already planned for and set family members as M.O.H.
Best man, bridesmaids and groomsmen but she chose almost exactly 9 months, to the same month, of your wedding, (Which had probably been planned longer) to only START trying for a second child?.... (I mean how else do you plan it that well unless she was already pregnant)..
I feel like I need more info about OP's husband/sister relationship because nobody's first response, to their sister having a baby, would be, "(Side note) his sister got married about 4 years ago on his birthday. So when I brought it up all he said to me was I just want 1 day." Like...what?
thisiscaptain writes:
Meh. NAH. You're both living you're individual lives and planning for your individual family futures. That will not always be compatible with the other. You're allowed to have whoever you want in your wedding party, she's allowed to get pregnant whenever she wants.
Being in a wedding party is A LOT of work. Being in your third trimester of pregnancy is A LOT of work. I think you're doing everyone a favor. You have an idea for how you want your wedding to go and an extremely pregnant person creates potential variables that are impossible to plan for.
And if she ends up having a rough third trimester and couldn't pull her weight in the wedding party, you'd be stuck with extra work and a spot to fill (as you said). It's not like you're disinviting her to the wedding, you're just excusing her from the responsibilities of being in a wedding party.
Being pregnant and getting married are two life events that make the people at the center of them extremely self-absorbed (take whatever negative connotations you want from that, it's just how it is). Two people vying for absolute attention around that time is just asking for a blow-up and familial division. Just how life goes.