Bride shocked with SIL wants to baptize her child during her wedding. AITA?
When this bride is furious with her SIL, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for refusing my SIL in her request to baptize her child during our wedding?"
I dated my fiance for five years before we tied the knot. I have a great relationship with his parents and siblings....except one of his sisters. The Golden Child of the family. She's annoying, but whatever it's fine, I've been able to keep out of her way for the most part as her family lives out of state.
So my boyfriend and I got engaged and everything is going great planning with both sides of the family. Until SIL at the last minute requests that she and her family baptize their daughter during our ceremony!
She'd even called our priest and he'd agreed to combine the ceremonies! Ummm, What? I said no for several reasons - none of which were good enough, and I was apparently being "unreasonable and selfish."
My reasons: -We're Catholic and weddings are usually an hour, tacking on a baptism would either make the ceremony longer OR take time away from our ceremony.
-Our wedding was an evening affair and the reception was only going to be about 2 hours so even if it lasted 30 min (baptism and their photos afterwards) that would cut our reception down to an hour and a half. (Her wedding/reception was an all day affair FYI)
-The baby would be in the church, in the wedding photos, and at the reception so seriously who would focus on another wedding couple when there's a first grandchild nearby?
Her reasoning: -All the family would already be gathered (for our wedding) and it'd be a good time for them (her family) to have it. And shouldn't I be accommodating to a first time mother!!!!
-They'd only invite about 4-6 additional people (to our wedding) ((strangers to us)) and it'd be easier on them because we'd already have the venue and food for their short guest list (((which we'd be paying for))).
-It's the fist grandchild and important to the HER family (I guess I wasn't a part of it yet and not included in this sentiment?)
My fiance didn't have a strong preference either way but supported how I felt on the matter. I stuck to my guns and said no but we offered a compromise. We said we'd DELAY our honeymoon trip and they could have the baptism the next Sunday morning during Mass.
I thought it was a great compromise! But SIL was not thrilled. So that's what we ended up doing but she still brought baby girl, in full white satin lace, to the wedding and was front and center in all the photos. And they brought their 4-6 extra friends to our reception without asking first. We never made a fuss about it.
My issue is this, I STILL get crap from this SIL and it's been a couple years since the wedding.
Snippy remarks made when it's only the two of us around, passive aggressive comments in front of others, Bridezilla labels tossed my way, a cold shoulder when I try to talk to her at holidays, etc. Like seriously, it was years ago and she basically got what she wanted so why am I being treated like I was an AH? AITA??
Let's see what readers thought.
shewantsays writes:
NTA. Next time she makes some offhanded comment say something like You're right, I am sorry that even after two years you seem to lack the mental horsepower to realize that my wedding, which was an event I planned and paid for, was neither about you or your daughter.
Furthermore, I'm sorry that even after all this time you are so petty and childish that you feel the need to bring it up. I am also sorry that I didn't bill you for your grossly rude behavior of inviting guests to my wedding without my approval.
And lastly I am sorry that you lack a basic understanding of gravity and think the world revolves around you, I hope that some day you are able to realize that you're just not that special, but given how dense you are, I can understand why you're confused.
fourleafclover1977 writes:
NTA. Your SIL seems like a piece of work and pretty entitled.
How is her mooching off you a perfect solution? Coz not only was she hijacking your wedding, and your day, she was also taking your money. She didn't have to spend money or effort to organise such an event for her child. Very caring mother ig? Weird person.
And you were being very nice by not responding to her bringing in her extra guests without telling you about it.
You could easily retaliate to her Calling you names by calling some stuff right back. But that's just immature. I would just stop bothering with her existence if it had been me. She can talk to the air for all I care.
basilsaintface writes:
So not the NTA. You've got a long term a problem on your hand. It sounds like she has to be in the spotlight no matter what. She will probably try to continue this behavior in future situations.
I'm wondering why your hubby isn't standing up to his sister. It's his responsibility, not yours. He chose to make a family with you. His commitment and priorities lie with you, not her.
SIL needs firm boundaries set in place. It will be hard because she will do her best to blow right through them. Stand firm and have consequences for her.
raytx writes:
NTA. Tell her to take a hike and organize her own events. She is trying to piggyback the baptism on your wedding and it would take away from your event and your day.
It would also mean that everyone attending would have to bring gifts for the baptism too, which would come out of the money you would be gifted normally, and from people who got nothing to do with your SIL.
lunadust writes:
NTA. And your sil is terrifying. I have no idea how you put up with her, I wouldn't be able to be near her. She brought her extra guests to your wedding? She dressed her daughter like she was being baptized... At YOUR wedding !?
I am astounded that you didn't even make a fuss about that so good on you for biting your tounge but I seriously hope someone puts her in her place soon.