Bride confronts SIL, 'MY wedding isn't a showcase for YOUR kids.' AITA? + Update
When this bride is straight up furious with her SIL, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for confronting my SIL that she was trying to make our wedding a showcase for her kids?"
My husband and I recently got married and I felt that my SIL tried to make our special day about her kids.
I proposed to my SIL's kids if they could be our flower girls for the special day. The kids were so excited and said yes!
Everything seemed to go according to plan until two months before the wedding when my SIL asked me if the kids should have two dresses for two entrances (wedding ceremony & dinner reception).
I told my SIL that the kids will only have one entrance, as our flower girls, during my wedding ceremony. My SIL looked upset and said "they MUST walk during the dinner reception too."
Note that my wedding ceremony and dinner reception was at the same location and the wedding aisle was long (85ft long) so it takes some time to get from one end to the other (especially for kids).
I am not the confrontational type, so I asked my husband to tell his sister that her daughters will only walk down the aisle once. My husband agreed and told his sister. My SIL disapproved and said to my husband that he is the kids' only beloved uncle and that her daughters will never get a chance to be flower girls again.
I thought everything was sorted out... until the big day. The wedding ceremony went as should and the flower girls were so beautiful; however, when the dinner reception time came and my husband and my entrance to the dinner reception was about to happen, the SIL inserted her kids in front of us with fresh baskets of rose petals. The SIL never told me nor my husband about this entrance.
I was blindsided. Turns out that my SIL went behind my back and told my MOH to tell the wedding MC (emcee) to announce the flower girls first to the dinner reception. The flower girls entered the dinner reception laying out a fresh set of rose petals down the aisle once more.
While I was surprised, I was not angry (nor sad) because it was a special day and I did not want to let bad emotions ruin the day. I was also going to let the MC introduce and thank the flower girls during the reception anyways, so I did not mind.
This quickly changed when my SIL planned a surprise dance by the daughters in the middle of dinner as a gift to us. The MC once again announced the flower girls and they started dancing down the aisle onto the main stage again.
So, all in all the kids "walked" down the aisle not once, not twice, but three times! My husband and I were supposed to have our first dance during this time, but instead her daughters danced on the stage, while my husband and I had our first dance on the side...
After the wedding I told my husband how upset I was at his sister and said she was trying to make the day about her kids. I confronted my SIL about this, but she shrugged it off and said that they were just kids and I am being a bridezilla/an a-hole. Instead my husband apologized on her behalf, which angered me more since it was not his fault.
AITA for confronting my SIL that she was trying to make our wedding a showcase for her kids?
Let's see what readers thought.
pitiful7 writes:
Send an itemized bill for use of the emcee, the stage, the photographer, and the second and third entrance, as well as the dance. Booo on your MOH too she's supposed to stop things like this from happening.
She should NOT have aided in having the emcee announce them, she should have barred the second petal throwing and as MOH it was absolutely her duty to tackle them off the stage. Lol NTA but when class and manners don't shame them Money always will go after that bag.
noccie writes:
NTA, but you can't undo the events that took place. In the end, it was your day and you were the bride and the main attraction. Your MoH was out of line to allow your SIL to change up the plans and should have put a stop to it - but that didn't happen. Your SIL is an AH for making changes to your wedding.
Your SIL is very wrong, but there's no way to make it right now. Don't put a bunch of pics of the kids in your wedding album. Edit out their dance in the video.
Your husband apologized only to try to make you happy since there was nothing he could do to fix the problem.
Guys think when you're complaining that there's something they can do to fix it. At this point, let it go. There's no use replaying the day over and over in your head and getting angry about it.
Other than your MoH, nobody knew what she was up to so they couldn't stop her. Your MoH failed you, but again, she can't undo what she did. Make mental notes to not let SIL steamroll you again, and know your MoH has no backbone.
smoekey writes:
In this, you aren’t the asshole, but you are the fool. You didn’t have the guts to put your foot down and you allowed your SIL to push you around, and now you’re mad she won. Your husband AND your MOH dropped the ball this time.
There’s no way your SIL should have been able to communicate anything to the DJ that wasn’t approved by you or your wedding-planning team. So, now you know that you have to be aggressively in control or she will try to take over.
consciouswhearea9 writes:
NTA. I think you approached this the right way by having consistent and open communication with your now husband and having him communicate with his sister. I’m glad he supported you throughout this situation.
Your SIL was so fixated on her own kids being a fixture of this wedding and ignored your wishes, even when you communicated them clearly and kindly. This is YOUR wedding. You get to organize it however you please.
It feels like she almost retaliated against you for not allowing her vision for your wedding where her kids were involved to be executed and therefore she went behind your back and introduced three separate “events” where her kids would be featured.
What gets me is how it ended up eclipsing your first dance with your husband - that’s ridiculous. That’s WHY you plan this stuff beforehand so it goes as YOU and your PARTNER want it to go. She overstepped. She’s the AH here.
unloveldlady6 writes:
NTA. I'm a vengeful person who holds grudges, so I'd already be planning to train my future children in an interpretive dance that will magically appear during SIL's funeral.
To tide you over until your future children can twerk around to "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead" make sure you have a special wedding video made where a narrator says things like "and here we're about to see SIL and her little monsters literally steal the first dance from the bride and groom.
Such poor taste, I wonder if she's selfish or mentally ill?" and "despite being told no multiple times, here come the unwanted little flower girls for their third walk down the aisle.
Ladies and gentlemen, what kind of a narcissistic monster turns someone else's wedding into amateur hour at daycare? Why is SIL!" Use pop up video technology to highlight things like "bride almost cries but doesn't" and "Uncle Bob shakes his head in dismay."
Then OP offers this UPDATE:
UPDATE: Thank you for everyone's feedback. Just wanted to clear some misconceptions. First, my MOH apologized for not letting me know. She said she thought the SIL already spoke to me.
Also, the SIL had told my MOH only minutes before the second entrance. She did not know about this whole ordeal until I told her after the wedding. I forgave my MOH... Although I believe there was nothing to forgive here.
She did a great job. ALSO, I am not blaming the kids. The flower girls probably just did as told. They are kids and just followed what the mother said. I have NO ill feelings or hatred towards them. It is more so me feeling that the SIL did me dirty.