Bride wants to return dad's rude wedding gift; says, 'you abandon and insulted me.' AITA?
"WIBTA if I returned a wedding gift from my father?"
My (35F) husband (35M) and I eloped 6 months ago. We are currently visiting my father and his wife in their country and they gave us a set of espresso cups as a wedding present.
I don't drink coffee and we have spent significant time with them for the past 3 years, frequenting cafes, where I always have to noticeably seek out non-coffee options.
Backstory: My father was the breadwinner and abandoned my mother, me at age 8, and my younger sibling. My father makes a lot of money in his position and boasts about his international travels. His place is also recently renovated with expensive items that he's bought his new wife.
After my father left my family, we barely made ends meet but we survived. I'm still a little upset that he abandoned us and let my family suffer, when he had a responsibility and the means to help out.
It feels insulting that I got cups as a wedding present when he could have given an actual monetary contribution to our lives, or even just a card saying he was happy for us. My husband and I would like to buy a home and start a family so every bit would help.
WIBTA if I gave him back the cups? I'd tell him thanks for the present but we can't use them and we know you and your wife will enjoy them more (since they drink espresso every day). I feel upset when I look at the cups and can't even use them so they'd just be collecting dust.
Let's see what readers had to say.
meansuit7 writes:
YTA. It's a present for your new home. It's something that everyone needs to have. The fact that you don't drink it actually means that in order to have those you'd have to spend money to get something just for when you have people over. I don't drink coffee (nor did my partner when we moved in together).
One present we got for our new home was a Nespresso coffee maker and expresso cups. Because guests drink coffee. It was a good gift because it ended up being something in which I didn't need to spend money. So I don't see what's wrong with the gift itself.
What happened in the past happened. I'm not going to defend your father (I could never defend someone who abandons his kids). But if you want to have a relationship with him you need to learn to leave the past in the past.
I do think he could have given you something more considering he has the money to do so. But returning a gift because it's cheaper than you wanted is entitlement.
entrepreneurok writes:
Dad sounds willfully ignorant of his own child, that he doesn't know her nor notice/listen. 'Oh, everyone drinks coffee, here, have some espresso cups'. NO.
NTA; you can return them (I'd do that). You can also just give them away, sell them (for that 'monetary gift'), trade them with a friend for something you'd value more. Heck, a lot of stuff I don't like but get as gifts makes for a great re-gifting opportunity!
staledchild writes:
Depends on what you want the outcome to be. If you've decided you want to go NC and end the relationship with your father because he is a toxic person in your life, then NTA.
If you still want to have a relationship, and are hopeful that it will be a healthy relationship moving forward, YTA (I recommend saving it to regift, returning it to the store, or donating it).