When this bride to be sets hard boundaries at her wedding, she asks Reddit:
I (24F) am getting married to my fiancé (26M) in about 4 weeks. We were originally going to elope but I knew my parents (54F and 60M) would be upset if they missed out on that so we are now having a microwedding with roughly 14 people including me, groom, officiant and photographer and just parents and siblings.
Since the beginning of wedding planning we made it known that we werent doing any of the traditional things. No speeches, no wedding party, no reception, no DJ, no dances no extra nothing. We said it was just going to be the ceremony, photos then dinner and that would be it. It seemed like everyone understood the plan.
Now my dad has asked to walk me down the isle and do a father and daughter dance and i said no to both as we clearly stated in the beginning we weren’t ent doing any of that. My fiancé and i are walking down together.
I am frustrated because i said we arent doing any and my dad said “i dont care what you do i just want to have a dance with you before you leave.” To me i see it as them not respecting my wishes for mine and my fiances day.
He is not doing any dances either. I get that there is also a generational gap. I also dont know if because my sister had a traditional american wedding with all the bells and whistles that he wants the same and is having a hard time understanding the microwedding. I was thinking of having my dad sign as a witness instead.
To also be transparent, my folks did help pay but i had already stated what we wanted and didnt want and they seemed to agree prior to offering to pay. We dont need the money and are willing to write them a check giving them there money back if thats what it comes down too.
They said they would help pay because they helped pay for my sisters. I do think that if they offered to pay it should be out of generosity and not to try and hold power and have a say in what happens.
So to the question. Would i be the a hole for skipping the dance? I know i would feel extremely awkward and uncomfortable doing it and i don’t think i should have to feel that way on my wedding day. AITA?
NTA. You set your boundaries. Part of a wedding is the community celebration, which has lots of different traditions depending on your culture. Those are not just about you - they are about the people you know and love who want to celenrate with you.
Cutting those things out will make others feel like they are observers more than participants, but it is your choice. Giving you dad a role, such as a witness is a nice gesture, but it is not what he expected.
YTA if you don't reimburse your parents immediately. You are so adamant about not wanting a traditional wedding, but it's tradition for the bride's family to pay. So make up your mind. All your dad wants is to literally dance with his daughter. The horror.
Also, you note in a comment that if you dance with your dad then MIL would throw a fit. So are you doing this because you honestly can't be bothered to dance with him or avoiding MIL. If it's the latter, that's your husband's issue.
NAH. Doesn't sound like dad threatened you with money, he just made a request and said it was important to him? It's possible in your dad's head, that this is just his way of saying goodbye to his daughter, that it would be meaningful to him.
If you and your dad are close, he's been in your corner, etc, maybe re-consider? If not, then just say no and be done. And if it means you pay for dinner (? micro-wedding?) then so be it.