'Friend wanted me to cancel my kid’s party to attend her kid’s party.'
"Friend wanted me to cancel my kid’s party to attend her kid’s party."
So me and my two friends (all 33f) have been a trio since middle school. Ironically, all three of our oldest children have the same exact birthday but different years. Me and Tonya have boys aged 8 and 10. Lauren has a 2 year old daughter.
A few months ago, Tonya and I decided to plan a bowling/laser tag birthday party for our boys. We told Lauren about the party and invited her. She said she would try to make it. Cool. The party was on a weekend, not the day of their actual birthday.
A few days before the party, Lauren FaceTimed Tonya and I to invite us to her daughter’s birthday party. It was for the same day as our boy’s party. No big deal. It’s the weekend after their birthdays so we knew the parties would eventually clash. We told her we wouldn’t be able to make it and we thought that was that.
The day after the party, Tonya and I FaceTimed Lauren to ask how her daughter’s party went. We saw pictures online and thought the decorations came out beautifully. We were all ears just waiting on the details of baby girl’s 2nd birthday.
Instead, we were met with anger. Lauren starts asking why we didn’t show up. Ummm we were at our boy’s party and she knew this. She then tells us we were supposed to cancel their party and come to her daughter’s.
When I asked her why she would think we would even consider doing that she said a 2nd birthday party was more important than 8 and 10 and we should have just picked a different day.
I’m not one to argue so I tell Lauren she’s tripping and hang up the video call. The next day I noticed she logged me out and changed the password to a streaming account we shared. Is it that serious? I guess to her it was. I haven’t talked to Lauren since.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
So NTA. Not even a contest. Wow, just wow. "A 2 year old's party is more important"?! to WHO? Certainly not the 2 year old -- they barely understand what all the fuss is about in the first place! Your friend Lauren is so wrong on this, I'm not even sure what the word is for "so stupidly wrong and so amazingly self-centered".
How about YOU getting mad right back at her and telling her that YOU scheduled your party first and invited HER, and she SAID she would try to make it, but then went and scheduled her child's party for the exact same day with no thought for anyone else. Who in their right mind would think you would CANCEL a much-anticipated party for an 8 and 10 year old to go to a toddler's b-day party?
So stupidly wrong and so amazingly self centered is absolutely right.
Curious in what world a 2nd birthday party is "more important" than an 8th or 10th. The kid doesn't even remember it and no one but the parents give a darn since it isn't the 1st. Hope you haven't been paying towards the streaming account or letting her keep access to one that you control.
Bruh, Lauren is wild for this one lmao. like sorry but expecting y’all to cancel a whole party you planned MONTHS in advance just ‘cause her kid turned 2? nah. two-year-olds don’t even remember their birthdays, meanwhile your boys were probably hyped for laser tag. NTA at all, but maybe hit her with a “you good?" text when she chills out—if she ever does.
NTA - but she does she feel left out with your kids being so close in age. It’s organic that you two would cater to more older boy friendly activities because they would be bored going to things geared towards her daughter at 2 years old.
I suggest choosing places (kids play places) that have areas for both and your kids are old enough to run off by themselves. But you will just have to understand that she will always be jealous until her daughter is old enough to hang with the boys.
NTA. Your party was put together way before hers from the sound of it. Besides, what 2 year old remembers their party at that age? 10 is definitely a significant one.
She did this on purpose.
She knew, months before her party, about yours. And waited until a few days before your party, to tell you about hers.
She's not a friend to you two.
This was a test, to see if she could force compliance from the two of you to her wants. She didn't care at all what it would do to your children, or all the people invited to their party.
Her anger at you, and her reasons for her anger are unreasonable, based on her unreasonable expectation that her wants should be first, for both of you and your children. Very entitled. I'd just let her go.
You got off cheap. That B is the sort who might burn your house down because you didn’t compliment her casserole the right way. She’s told you who she is, like some colorful poison dart frog. Now you need to do your part and stay away. Do not touch. 🐸
"Well, nobody's birthday is ever going to be more important to me than my OWN CHILD's, so if you thought your party was going to take precedence over MY OWN CHILD's party, you are delusional. No, a 2 year old's birthday is not "more important".
These are kids, and you are being crazy. If you wanted me to be there, you could have picked literally any other day and I would have been there. You CHOSE to put this party on the date of my child's own party, and of course I'm going to choose my child every time."
You and her are at different life and parenting stages, and will be for quite some time. It would be eternally complex and unsatisfying going forward to try to always do stuff that makes everyone happy, even if all parties (no pun intended) were actually interested in working together).
Two year olds and ten year olds live in different universes. I would not chase her and try to patch up anything. She is so far from fair here that you cannot find fair from where she lives. Let her do her, and you do you.
I would just watch the blame and rumour social game. If she says anything catty, immediately provide a reasonably fact-based response so that third parties can decide for themselves. Anyone who sides with her after hearing both sides should be jettisoned anyway.