When this son is too hurt to reconcile with his father, he asks Reddit:
I'm so conflicted about this and I don’t really know if I’m in the wrong.
When I (22M) was 15, we found out that my dad (42M) had been cheating on my mom with a man, this was a surprise since my dad was the most homophobic jerk you could’ve met.
He left my mom and divorced her because “ he wanted to be authentic to himself”, it was a really hard time for me and my siblings (15M, 13M ages today).
Remember I grew up with this homophobic background installed in my head by my own father so I was disgusted, he tried to apologize but I said hurtful things to him.
I even told him that he was dead to me because I was embarrassed to have “fg *ss” father, I deeply regret those things now specially since I’m bise*ual and have a bf. You could tell my dad was deeply hurt by what I said.
He ended up moving out of the country with his lover (To Germany, his AP’s native land) and we barely talked after that, he invited my siblings to spend Christmas with him but never me, he sent them plane tickets to go but I was ignored.
I kind of understood since we had a huge argument before he left so I let it go, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t hurt since I was being ignored by my own father.
Last year (for Christmas) He posted a photo of him, his AP, my siblings and a child they have, under the caption: “My family is complete, no missing piece” that hurt as hell.
We had been NC this whole time until a couple of weeks ago when he called me telling me that he wanted us to reconcile so he thought it’d be a great idea if I could come (to his house, in Europe) for Xmas to talk about our relationship, he also offered to pay for my bf’s ticket.
So I didn’t feel alone and vulnerable but I told him he should keep that money to spend it on his real family, since he made it clear last year on his post that I wasn’t part of that family, he called me AH for treating him like that knowing that I hurt him first.
Yes I know that while he was trying to apologize and make me understand the situation I said many nasty and insulting homophobic things but I was a literal child.
Dealing with the divorce and a parent coming out plus I was homophobic because that’s the way I was raised and he was the adult and the “No missing piece” was the fcking cherry on the top. I think he's toxic.
My grandma says that I should understand that this is perhaps the first time he feels safe to invite me and not being insulted (he just found out I have a bf), she says I was too rude to say “Your real family”.
I’m so conflicted about this, I need some unbiased point of view.
NTA. You were a child who's home was being broken apart.
He was the adult, and it was his job to be the bigger person and he didn't do that. He still didn't do that now, instead posting that picture with that caption. That was intentionally hurtful, and I'm not buying his saying anything otherwise.
Your father being gay didn't make him a bad person.
Your father having an affair made your father a bad person.
Your father inviting your siblings and not even extending an olive branch made your father a bad person.
Your father posting a photo with him, his AP, their child, and your siblings with the caption he wrote made your father a bad person.
You don't need toxic people in your life, why add him back?
Don't forget the part where Dad taught OP all kinds of hateful garbage, and then had the audacity to be offended that the kids demonstrated what he was taught in the heat of a very upsetting conversation
Op. NTA. Who hurt who first?
He instills in you homophobic behavior hiding from his own feelings.
He finally embraces his true self and is surprised that you reflect, back to him, your inherited bigotry.
He leaves his children and moves to Europe to start a new life.
He begins to regret his actions and reconciles with his children excepting you.
He purposely throws the reconciliation in your face in a very public way to further hurt and spite you.
He does all of this to you while coming out yourself.
You have taken the high road at every step It seems.
Looks to me your 7-0 despite your dad, winning, living best way you can.