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Dad accused by daughter of 'misogyny' when he won't turn his office into a bedroom for her. AITA?

Dad accused by daughter of 'misogyny' when he won't turn his office into a bedroom for her. AITA?


When this father is annoyed with his children, he asks Reddit:

"AITA for refusing to turn my home office into a room for my oldest daughter?"

I am a father to three kids, 9M, 11F and 15F. Our family is moving into a 4 bedroom house in the upcoming week. Since my job requires me to work from home 2 days a week I’m planning to turn one room into an shared home office/gym.

This leaves a room for my wife and I, one for my son and one for the girls to share. The issue is that my oldest daughter 15F is refusing to share a room with her sister.

She is demanding her own room and argues that a teenager deserves privacy and that it’s not fair her brother who is the youngest gets his own room while as the oldest she doesn’t.

I understand her frustrations but it’s inappropriate for siblings of the opposite gender to share a room and if she gets her own room then that leaves me without a home office.

When I explained to her that there is nothing we can do and that she will have to accept this living arrangement she accused me of favoritism and misogyny (which is not true) and is refusing to speak to me.

My wife is on her side and says she is too old to be sharing a room with a tween. My daughters have always shared a room so my oldest will adjust very quickly and it is important for me to have a dedicated work space for my job. AITA?

Let's see what readers thought.

realfelicityfox writes:

YTA. Just because she is a minor doesn't mean her needs matter less than anyone else's. It sounds to me like you have a need for 5 rooms but only have 4. Here is the list: Parent bedroom, Son bedroom, Daughter 1 bedroom, Daughter 2 bedroom, Dad's home office 2/7 days per week.

Your solution to the problem is for YOU to take up TWO rooms, one of which you will only need 2/7 days per week, rather than combine your own bedroom and home office. If you did this, the bedrooms would look like this: Parent bedroom/dad's home office 2/7 days per week, Son bedroom, Daughter 1 bedroom, Daughter 2 bedroom.

Seriously, dad, take the L. Buy a new desk and office chair that fits in a small corner of your new bedroom and suck it up. You don't need to use an entire room to yourself only 2/7 days per week.

If your new bedroom won't work, figure something else out. If that won't work either then why are you moving your family to a house that is too small to meet your family's needs? YTA.

flufflycontract writes:

You are NTA. I am going to get shot down for this, but why does everyone think kids need their own bedrooms. I just don’t get it. Yes, I do understand the WANT for privacy by the teen, but there isn’t a NEED for it. My suggestion is to put some kind of room divider in the girls room.

There are folding screens, bookcases, etc. I shared a room with my sister until I moved out at 23(was in college). Better yet, my 4 brothers shared a room until they each moved out. My parents could not afford a bigger house and all 8 of us shared 1 bathroom.(This is in the US).

We made it work and it taught us how to share and schedule(for use of the bathroom. It was horrible if you got up late. You missed your bathroom time. The person using it, would step out so you could use the toilet. But you finished getting cleaned up at the kitchen sink. We learned to shower at night. LOL)

bulbasaur8 writes:

Sorry, YTA. That teenage girl shouldn’t have to be sharing her room with her sister. She needs privacy and her own space.

You’re being selfish here. You “need” the room for two days a week, while she needs it for 7 days.

You need to find a solution in your home that doesn’t impact your children this way. Just the fact you thought this arrangement was good because you solely benefit from it, and never took your children’s needs into consideration, shows you’re not going to change your mind here. A good parent wouldn’t have even needed to post here.

livewithpurpose writes:

NTA. You’re the breadwinner. You’re the man of the house. Hold firm and teach your kids that when you make a decision, they will abide by it. And if she is going to be disrespectful to you by not talking to you or answering you, start taking away her activities until she can demonstrate civility and respect. A household is not a democracy.

owlscardinals writes:

YTA because you have the chance to give each of your kids a room but you'd rather take one of them as your office. Whatever you're doing now for an office in your current arrangement would presumably still be an option in this house? And if you were willing to carry on with that arrangement, your eldest could have a room.

Additionally it is totally inappropriate to me to take a bedroom for use TWO days of the week - meaning it will be unused/unoccupied (oh, except for gym equipment) MOST of the time while your daughters are forced to share a room.

WHY would you be prioritizing your very part time use of the bedroom over her having her own space? It's a bad, and selfish decision.

mrfruitfly writes:

YTA. You can make part of your bedroom a home office, you can make the corner of a living room or dining room a home office, maybe there is a basement or loft or some open space. I am of course making an assumption on the space(s) in your home, but my guess is some of that would work given it is a 4 bedroom home.

You could also cut a deal with your daughters- they share a room but get the primary bedroom. I also think a 9 and 11 year old of opposite genders have more in common to share a room than an 11 and 15 year old.

You've decided that it is inappropriate for kids of opposite genders to share a room but that just...isn't a fact? Plenty of kids of opposite genders share rooms.

And listen, plenty of kids share much smaller spaces, so I get that kids all over the world and even in your area have it way worse (or just cramped) than your daughter. But this what your daughter sees- you bought a home deciding all on your own that she can share a room.

She sees that you prioritize space for you (you get a full bedroom and home office that you only "need" two days a week) over her getting any of her own space. She sees you not caring at all for her comfort.

Oh and your wife agrees with her but you don't care about that either, only your opinion matters. She sees that, and I hope you realize what that makes you look like to her.

Looks like the jury's out on this one. What do YOU think?

Sources: Reddit
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