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Dad accused of 'homophobia' after he kicks BIL's partner out of family beach trip. AITA?

Dad accused of 'homophobia' after he kicks BIL's partner out of family beach trip. AITA?


When this dad feels like hes being wrongfully accused of homophobia by his BIL on a family beach trip, he asks Reddit:

"AITAH for kicking out my brother in law’s partner after his inappropriate behavior on our family beach trip?"

Recently we had a big family beach day. I went with my wife, my 10 year old daughter and 8 year old son. My older brother also brought his wife and two kids, both girls 11 and 9.

Initially it was supposed to just be us, but then brother in law and his partner really wanted to come, I told them they would be bored as our beach day is gonna be kid oriented, but brother in law insisted. Brother in law is in his early 30s call him Rob and his partner who is 42 call him Steve.

When we go to into the water, Steve is wearing this mesh speedo, that looks more like male lingerie than swim wear. I pull him to the side and I am like Steve do you have something more family friendly.

He is like what’s wrong with this? I am like Steve can you just run to Target or one of the shops on the board walk, I’ll Venmo you however much it costs to get a new swim trunk. Steve then gets Rob and then says I am being a diva.

I am like guys please I got little kids. Rob looks over to Steve in a way that is like come on Steve but then Rob starts yelling at me. And Rob is like, in Europe it’s perfectly normal to go to nude beaches, and he says that it’s good for kids to open their eyes and not live in a homophobic bubble.

I am like no not at all, I don’t want my daughters seeing this either, and it’s not appropriate this is a beach with families and young kids. My wife comes over and tries to talk to Rob but nothing happens.

I end up getting the rest of my family and brother’s and I say we are going to a new beach. Rob starts saying don’t do this we are all family, it’s really not a big deal we are gonna be in the water in most of the time.

I don’t say anything and just get into the car. You couldn't see everything fully but you could make out the color of his flesh through it. You could 100% see the entire shape of everything and this is before he went into the water.

This incident has really messed up the family. Steve especially hates me. He thinks I am homophobic and that I am raising my kids to be the same. AITA?

Let's see what readers thought.

litterstocks writes:

NTA. Gay here. That kind of bathing suit cut and material is fetish wear intended for gay circuit parties or 18+ events in the summer. I’ve seen it on instagram and it’s meant to be super slu&&y…

Don’t misinterpret this for me slut shaming, but it’s a matter someone having main character syndrome and doubling down/playing a convenient homophobia card. I even own bathing suits like this, I just wear them to queer adult only beach parties. A consistent life tip is to remember that if you think your uncle is weird, he’s weird.

cryptodesmo writes:

NTA. Get your BIL and Steve to imagine how gross it would have been if their fat hairy uncle flapped his penis around when they were kids.

You wouldn't have wanted to see that - and the only thing that has changed is that now THEY are the uncle. If they're so self centered that all they can think about is how they feel violated because they can't whip out their dick in front of kids, then absolutely cut them off. You don't need them.

olmansmit writes:

So let me get this straight. Middle aged man insists on coming along to a family outing. Middle aged man then wears a see through speedo to ensure children see his junk. Said middle aged man then gets upset at being offered a free pair of swim trunks. Middle aged man proceeds to gaslight when called out on his BS.

Why did middle aged man have such a fixation on kids seeing his privates? Sounds to me the question should more be what other kids has he decided it's fine to expose himself to?

Note that at no point in that scenario did I mention identity beyond age and "man". If a straight dude did this same exact thing he would rightly be labeled a potential predator. That scenario does not change if someone is gay.

To be clear, I am not saying he is anything beyond a stubborn person that just wanted to wear what he wanted to wear. What I am saying is, anyone that is a well adjusted adult would have accepted the venmo and gotten a kick ass pair of trunks. The fact he didn't absolutely raises the question of why. NTA.

okcommision8 writes:

Queer (and very se%/nudity positive) parent here! You have the right to have boundaries for yourself and children. Not spending time with someone’s genitals wagging about is a reasonable boundary.

Also I dislike that they’re suggesting this is homophobia driven. It’s not “gay” to nude swim. It’s European. While I personally have zero issues with nudity I’m not going to play obtuse to the culture around me.

Because of our culture our children are taught that it’s unusual and dangerous behavior for an adult, particularly non live in parental adult, to expose genitals to children. You teach your kids this because it’s consistent and accurate for the culture they’re growing up in.

Calling you homophobic here is a cop out and I view it as gaslighting and abusive. While I wouldn’t have judged you if you DIDNT have an issue with their suit, I judge them for forcing it on you and your kids and attempting to manipulate the situation to continue to push that very reasonable boundary.

Looks like OP is NTA. Any advice for this dad? Will he be able to repair the family?

Sources: Reddit
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