When this dad is at odds with his kid's teacher, he asks Reddit:
My son Dawson is in the 6th grade and has been rather anxious. He has to give a victim impact statement and has been preparing for it all this week. He's trying to keep it together and has been sleeping in my bed all those month.
He has a oral report due on Friday for his social studies class and obviously he can't do it because he has to be in court. I spoke to his teacher, Mrs T , and said he has an appointment on Friday that he can't miss and if he could possibly do this report on Monday.
She asked why can't he do it on Thursday. I said that was a totally fair question but there's something going on with him and he's emotionally distraught. I don't want him breaking down in class and being made fun of. She said there was no good excuse to punt an oral exam because Dawson has the jitters.
I said it's way more than that. She said he can give his oral report Thursday or Friday or take a zero. I said I understand and he'll take a zero. Your class isn't important in the grand scheme of things anyways.
My son's emotional health is way more important. She was surprised that I said to give him a zero because I'm a very involved dad. She told me to be upfront with her about what was going on and I said I'm not telling you anymore.
Later I got a call from the vice principal who said that I had a "hostile" conversation with Mrs T and requested that she give my son a zero. I said that's not really accurate. I told him off the record that my son has to give a victim impact statement on Friday. He's a mess.
He quickly said by all means let him stay home tomorrow and Friday. He'd work something out with his teachers. I said I do NOT want anyone knowing his business. He assured me be wouldn't give any reason.
I got an email from Mrs T who said she wished that I had been more open about what was going on because she cares about Dawson.
She's worried about him now. I responded that I didn't tell her details because you and especially your son (he's in the same grade as Dawson) are gossip queens and I don't trust you. She told me that what I said was very hurtful. I said then don't ask and don't fish for information.
The VP did NOT disclose why my son is out tomorrow and Friday. He said it was an approved absence and to send makeup work home today. Only Blabbermouth responded and fished for details after getting the email. AITA?
NTA Teacher was digging into your personal life then she tried to weaponize your kid's grade. If you trust the principal to enough to say that he didn't tell her your reasons, then she went out of her way to find something you were trying to keep private/a small group of people.
She should have just lived with "it's something serious but we don't want to get into the details right now."
NTA. It might feels a bit "rude" that you are not sharing the information when the teacher asks you but you are by no obligation (even if she wasn't "gossip"), especially when you have shared it with the principal and they are aware.
This is indeed something that is not something she "needs to know". Especially when you have expressed several times you don't want to give a report.
The vice principal violated your trust. And he may have violated his professional ethics so you might have recourse if you choose to go that route.
I don't know that telling Mrs. T the personal reason you didn't share with her was really the best move. Particularly regarding her own son. She doesn't need to know the reason you didn't tell her any more than she needed to know the reason that your son needed accommocation. Your judgement alone is sufficient in either matter.
But you were 100% right to tell her that you only told her was because she pushed which wasn't her place to begin with. Totally NTA.