Dad actively spoils bio-daughter, refuses to spoil stepsons. AITA? UPDATED
When this stepdad is concerned about parenting, he asks Reddit:
"AITA because I don't want to spoil my stepkids?"
I have a 14yo daughter from a previous relationship and my wife has 2 sons(16,13). I had a vasectomy after my daughter to make sure I won't have other kids.
I spoil my daughter however I can, this includes brand clothes, expensive schools and best electronics and before anyone decides that my daughter is a brat I should say that she is an extremely well behaved kid.
The problem is my wife and her ex can't afford the same for their sons and they are angry that our kids have completely different living situations while living at the same house.
My wife thinks I should be spoiling her sons too but I can't afford it so I told her that's not my problem and they have 2 parents who should be spoiling them. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought. OP also offers some interesting updates.
happybanana123 writes:
YTA. Look, if this is how you want to behave, that's your prerogative. But you have absolutely no business blending families with this attitude. You're setting the kids up to feel jealousy and resentment, and this isn't going to help the kids adjust to being in each others' lives.
nomadichomebody writes:
YTA. Do not marry someone with children if you don’t want anymore children. Your wife is even more of the asshole since she chose to marry you. She failed as a parent supremely.
(ESH seems to laxed.) Those boys deserve better than you, and your daughter deserves better than being put in this awkward and uncomfortable situation.
There are billions of people on the planet, but you chose to marry a mother with minor children with no intention of being another parent/guardian to those children. Your decision is both stupid and mean.
You’re on Reddit. Go look through posts of people with stepparents like you. Look to see how much pain and apathy behavior like yours causes. Think about it, I bet you’d be upset with your wife if your financial situations do a 180, and she decided to treat your daughter the way you treat her sons.
capitaleffort09 writes:
Sorry YTA here. Maybe if you lived separately it would be different but you're raising those kids together and spoiling one while neglecting the others isn't fair.
You got a vasectomy so you wouldn't have more kids, but then you chose to marry someone with 2 children and live with them. They are part of your family now too and deserve to be treated the same as other family members.
alarmingreply0 writes:
ESH (adults). Didn’t y’all communicate about how your family would function as a family before you got married?
Providing your daughter with a good education & the tools she needs to succeed is not spoiling her. It’s your job as a parent. Designer clothes & “stuff” … that’s spoiling her.
Perhaps if your wife, her ex, & you have an adult discussion you could all figure out how to provide the 2 boys who live in your house with a good education & more opportunities for their future.
OP Agreeable-guard-9649 responds with an update:
This doesn't have to impact the kids. Her kids were fine with not wearing brand clothes and my kid was fine with living like this. It doesn't need to change. Also, I can spoil my daughter but I can also discipline her to make sure she ends up being a good person but god forbid I give my stepsons a curfew.
Hell breaks loose. Also, They have 2 parents. Do they call me dad? No. Then why would I downgrade my daughter's life to upgrade theirs?