My ex and I have a 14yo daughter together. She also has 2 more kids who are 16M and 11F. We have 50-50 custody. Here is the problem.
My daughter loves gaming. She has been begging her mom and I to buy her a ps5. I bought one for her a few weeks ago but I didn't give it to her right away. I decided to wait until after an important and difficult exam that she had and to then give it to her as a prize for getting an A+ on that exam (which I knew she would).
A few days ago my ex called me and asked me not to buy a ps5 for my daughter as apparently she has been gloating to her siblings and making them jealous because their parents are financially struggling and they can't have as many privileges as my daughter.
My ex gave me a long lecture about how she doesn't deserve another privilege because of her behavior. I told her I will consider it but I didn't promise anything.
Well, she got her exam results a couple of days ago and not only she got an A+, she was the only A+ in her grade. I was extremely proud and decided that she deserves getting her new ps5 and gave it to her.
Yesterday I took her to her mom's home and a few minutes after I left my ex called screaming at me asking me why I did it when she specifically asked me not to do it.
She thinks I'm a huge a**hole for doing this but I think, as her dad, I should be able to decide what my daughter does, or does not deserve and my ex doesn't have the right to tell me what to do.
I would like to know what kind of gloating. Is this I am super excited am getting a PS5 or is this the I got a PS5 and you don't. Is it also at her mom's house so she can share?
I probably would not allow it to go to the moms house. You don’t know how the other kids may retaliate or treat the console.
NTA. ps5 Needs to stay at your house. Your EX can call the shots in her own home.
Agree but would add in that dad needs to talk to his daughter about how she reacts in front of her half siblings.
NTA. Your ex's situation is not your or your daughter's to manage. You might want to have a chat with her about gloating over her half siblings though, that's toxic behaviour that should be nipped in the bud.
Did you talk to her about her bratty behaviour or do you not care? I think there is healthy middle ground here, you could have bought her the ps5 and had a conversation with her about how you being able to reward her with expensive items doesn't make her achievements any more valid than her half siblings.
That way if she continued being a brat you could have taken the ps5 away for a few weeks as punishment.
I get that you want to treat your daughter but it does sound like you are raising a bit of a bully and that's not cool.
I'm a single/solo dad myself OP. The only reason I would say YTA is because of her behavior towards others. If she didn't act like that, I would 100% be on your side. What she is doing is bullying her siblings, and that shouldn't be tolerated at all.
My oldest daughter is a A+ student as well and I reward her for that also but if I ever found out she was bullying anyone(not just siblings)she would lose a lot more then just a game console.
Listen, we all want a PS5, but do you think this dad crossed a line ignoring his ex-wife's request?