I (56M) have a son (28M) and a daughter (22F). I like both of my kids equally however they are different individuals with different lives so I help them based on their needs.
My son did not do well in high school and went to a community college and decided it was not for him after a semester and went to trade schools and eventually settled on HVAC. He had issues sticking to things, so as a reward when he became certified in HVAC I bought him a brand new truck as gift.
My daughter got into a good college out of state and was always more academically minded. When she was about to finish HS it came to a surprise to me that she had taken it for granted that I would also get her a new car even though I never said that. I explained that there would be no need for a college girl in a big city to have a car.
She then asked if I could help with tuition. I did not pay for trade school either so I declined. Eventually she seemed down so I offered to buy a used car in my name, and she could use it for a while until I decided to sell it but she would have to maintain it.
She seemed really happy with that so we got an old 99 BMW for really cheap. The body was in good condition, but the engine and transmission needed work and it needed painting. She did the essential fixes first but then slowly did unnecessary ones even though I never asked for that and repainted most of the car and had the interior detailed.
When she came back for a visit this week after finishing her finals, I decided it was time to sell the car and listed it. She seems upset with me even though we had agreed to it and I never asked her to repaint the car. She said she thought I was going to sell it much later when it rusted or something.
She also says I can sell it more expensive because of her fixes but the reality is I got the car just before the pandemic and used cars cost a lot more since and that is why I can sell it for more. I offered to pay her back for the half of the paintwork. AITA here?
Okay so your son gets an expensive new truck and your daughter got a beat used car. Paid for the repairs on the car herself. So you see nothing wrong with punishing success and rewarding failure? YTA
Wow YTA. It’s like you are punishing your daughter for her success or something. And to pay her only half the paint etc? After she paid for all the essential fixes too? Yes, YTA.
daughterbmw OP responds:
The agreement was that she did not have to pay any rent to use the car in exchange for maintaining it.
YTA. OP doesn't seems to see the bias. This happens so often where the underachiever gets more attention or gifts and it's taken for granted the 'good' child will manage by themselves.
This post makes me so sad. Of course YTA. And 'helping based on their needs' is you knowing you are favoring your son and treating your daughter like trash.
You bought a car really cheap. Then your daughter paid for the engine and transmission work, painted it, detailed it and maintained it - and NOW you want to sell her car? After you bought your son a BRAND NEW TRUCK? I would never speak to you again.
ok seems people think it was wrong, but my son only got the truck after schooling and my daughter has not finished school yet. I have not thought of her graduation gift yet. But the car is only listed and I will think about it and reconsider.
It 100% is favoritism to support one child over the other, no matter what the reason. Also, you can't pull the whole 'we spent more on her for medical reasons', IT'S HER HEALTH, YOU LITERALLY HAD TO SPEND MORE. How the hell can you justify buying your son a new truck because you needed to keep your daughter healthy when she was younger? One was quite literally necessary, the other was not.
daughterbmw OP gives his final response:
Ok I have reconsidered and will unlist it. My plan was always to sell it and she knew that but she seems to have become attached to the car. i felt that 90s BMWs in good shape would hold value and be easy to sell and there were a lot of excellent offers.