My daughter, Cleo (11) is very active outside of school. She plays soccer, takes swim lessons and will play outside a lot with neighborhood kids. She’s very social. Most of her friends are from outside of school.
At school, however, she struggles making friends. Cleo has ADHD and was bullied in 3rd and 4th grade for some of that. While it was brought under control by 5th (current grade), these kids still don’t play with her and pretty much ice her out. While I don’t think they have to play with her, it also means that she doesn’t socialize a lot at school. She’s okay with this.
Her teacher says our daughter often plays alone at recess or reads. My wife and I were not very concerned and explained she’s very social and active afterwards.
Cleo is a huge reader. She’s currently reading her way through my wife’s collection of books from her childhood. She loves them and treasures them, knowing they were her mama’s and wants to take great care of them.
She came home on Tuesday, very upset and worried her mom would be upset with her. I asked why and she said her teacher took her book away and won’t give it back until tomorrow.
When pressed for more information, she said she was reading at recess. Her teacher walked over, took the book and told her to go play. My daughter begged for her book back and the teacher refused.
I quickly assured Cleo that she wasn’t in trouble and even called my wife at work to have her back me up. It was quite concerning that she was so afraid, as my wife isn’t one to fly off the handle. She’s always gentle with Cleo. As suspected, my wife assured her she wasn’t upset and that Cleo did zero wrong.
The next day, I brought Cleo to school early and walked her to class; no one but the teacher was there. I told the teacher to give me the book. She obliged and tried to defend herself. I told her to save it and she had no right.
There is no rule that Cleo has to do physical activity at recess and we expressed no concern. The teacher said she was allowed to set boundaries for her class but I pointed out recess was free time. It’s not like Cleo is reading during math. We went back and forth, and finally I said I’d be reaching out to the principal.
The issue was resolved quickly. I don’t know the particulars, except the principal told me that Cleo is allowed to read at recess and unless she is actively harming someone or reading during a non-designated time, she wouldn’t have any more books confiscated. My wife and I were pleased. Cleo even more so.
My cousin is a teacher at this school, just a different grade. She says what I did is “hot gossip” in the teacher’s lounge and that I have been marked as “one of those parents”.
She says the teacher isn’t paid enough and I should’ve just accepted the rule. When I pointed out we only have 2 more months left at this school (Cleo is our only and starts junior high in august), that’s not a concern. My wife and I feel justified, but we are wondering if I’m an AH?
NTA. You did nothing wrong. Also your daughter reminds me so much of me. I read all the time in school-at recess and lunch and any moment of spare time. Teachers never cared though because I was quiet, a good student, and never got in trouble.
Unfortunately they all missed that I was autistic because of this. Not saying your daughter is, but adhd is a common misdiagnosis and comorbidity of autism so it’s something to keep an eye on for sure.
Especially if she does better in situation that are more “parallel play” than actually making friends in school. Maybe I’m projecting myself into this situation, but I just so badly don’t want things to be overlooked in kids.
iguessimthatdad OP responded:
Genuinely, thank you for the concern but we already had her tested. She doesn’t parallel play and will actively play with the other kids. She showed other symptoms and actually didn’t intend to test her for adhd, just autism. It was the evaluator who said she wasn’t autistic but had adhd.
NTA And how does a teacher's pay have to do with her overstepping her bounds? One would think if she wasn't paid enough that she'd actually want to relax at recess instead of harassing children.
Exactly, her being paid enough doesn't have anything to do with her going on a power trip and confiscating students belongings when they aren't even doing anything wrong. Parents are definitely NTA.
Sounds like the justification is that teachers get to take out frustrations on kids...which is just wtf just wrong. Also this parent did nothing wrong, they caused no actual stink. Just a nice kid with nice parents, I'm not a teacher but I'd think that's the kind of student you'd want?
NTA. How can you actively discourage reading and call yourself a teacher????
NTA. I did find the bit about 'the teacher isn't paid enough and I should've just accepted the rule' pretty comical. Your child should not be mistreated at school because a teacher isn't paid enough.
You did the right thing. The teacher was strangely out of line and lacking in compassion. Even if well-intentioned, she effectively punished Chloe which was wildly inappropriate.
NTA. I was the kid that read during inappropriate times and rightfully had my books taken away. They always gave them back at the end of the day though. That teacher had no right to take her book from her, much less keep it over night. Why is this woman a teacher if she doesn’t want children to read in their free time?